Tag Archives: her thought

#13 Her_thoughts 

Because even in its raw form,

I fell in love,

I twisted the brushes,

and cut through it rough,

layered it with paints,

so all pierced cuts were sealed.

And slowly just as the struggle kicked off,

everything that hurt began to heal.

And so in the chaos,

I found beauty,

beauty that lies deep within,

And in my serenity,

I chose to sing,

even when the lights were bleary dim.
#leeevibes

(this is painted by me…. actually it is the making of one of my masterpieces..  this one is incomplete and raw.)

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An Insomniac’s wails

They adviced :

Don’t Think.

Don’t Over-think.

Stay Calm. Be still.

Remain Silent.

So in the quiet. 

I couldn’t feel the calm,

Why ?

is it the chirping of crickets and insects?

is it the whispers of the winds ?

is it the pitter patter of the raindrops ?

is it the roaring of the thunder ?

is it the flashes of lightning ?

is it the feeling of nothing ?

is it the tic-tic of my clock ?

is it the rotating of my ceiling fan ?

is it the rustling of sheets as I toss and turn ?

is it my burning eyes wishing to sleep ?

is it my heart that is mourning in an unknown agony ?

is it my brain that refuses to rest ?

is it my fear of not good enough ?

is it the anxiety of not finding a way out ?

What is it ?

Tell me insomnia, why did you choose me ?

because I did not choose a habbit 

to drain me, of me.

I can’t think Why ?

When all else is a buzzing thought,

fears and anxieties,

hurts and wishes,

prayers and memories,

faded voices and visualised musings,

sounds of agony, and harmony of dreams,

several nightmares trapped deep within,

what is unthinkable ? is something not yet known,

if you could help me , I wouldn’t have to forever mourn !

Please , Oh please!  I begged,

help me not think.

Thinking is a trap,

it erodes me in. 

I can’t refuse , can’t make it stop,

no lullaby, no words,

can sing me a song. 

and every night I struggle 

my spirit breaks down in silent sobs.

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Hushed Winds

​Because most days are like home days,

no mood to glam,

no mood to slay,

Just bury myself in books,

colours, brushes and simply spray,

wear baggy clothes,

and sing my own musings and verses,

smile as my hands move across blank pages,

create something,

that I can’t think about,

write something my heart gushes without doubts,

take notes, and

listen to tell-tales of emotions.


May be because without the Cinders , Ella wouldn’t have been the Cinderella to her Prince ,

Maybe because without being grounded,

I wouldn’t test my wings,

And so, When I’ll know I’m ready,

I will let you watch me fly, 

and soar,

and smile.


Until then, I’m the hushed winds in your sky. .

.

.

– L E A N D R A –
#simplethings #simplelife #simplicityeverywhere

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She who soars …

She smiled and said to the air around her,

‘Thank you for letting me go,

Thank you for now it’s my time to make a good show,

Whilst you change who stands at your side,

I’m getting a hell of a ride,

I’ve come way too far,

and from where you stand 

there’s no door left ajar

so you could see the goods I reap,

Of the harvest where I thought I was being punished,

for no fault of mine,

life had thrown you a dime,

but now I know Why !

because without you I am now soaring the skies.”

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Very often it is so difficult to let go 

of people who forsake you without reason,

or to digest the disappointments that come from people you could count on,

they just leave you hanging there,

whilst live a great life,

not once wondering about your existence.
Let me tell you dear,

it is when you begin to live and move on, 

you gain your freedom,

it is until you let go of the disappointments 

you can breathe in peace,

it is when you love yourself more,

you can feel relieved for such petty losses,

because quite frankly they weren’t your loss.

They will see you for what you are,

when you see yourself,

for what you are,

special, beautiful, unique.
And maybe then, when you finally fly with your wings,

you will no longer require to be dependent,

birds of different feathers never flock together,

infact birds of same feathers need not flock together as well.
Being independent, self reliant, 

is the key to own your being.
Happy new beginnings,

be happy loving you.

Unhealthy obsession 

I realized I really had an unhealthy obsession about my best friend.

I get over possessive and overly hurt when my mountain of hideous expectations fail me.

Very often we unknowingly let our lives revolve around such obsessions.

Whilts there is endless love and acceptance that I have found in her humble soul,

I cannot let myself obsess over it and expect the unthinkable.

I need to let loose of people, of people I love. 

I cannot cling on to them, because that is unhealthy and toxic.

I need to learn to understand what it is to stand alone and on my own and accept myself at that value .

It’s tough to realise the vicious cycle that I weaved around me, its a trap, and when I finally see the clarity , it really feels like a break up.

Whilst I need to undo the damage and pain  I am self inflicting on me, I need to figure how things and my life should be, I need more clarity on making God my first priority and then me .

Sometimes you just realise things very late.

But when you do, you just need to change what is, what was and make something better out of it.

Break out of unhealthiness and unhappiness and march into contentment and self joy.

It is not selfish of me to decide to change so as to hold myself together.

It is not selfish of me to stop over investing and over prioritizing people who’s lives dont really revolve around mine, which I had an illusion about, because mine did revolve around them. And believe me when the clarity sunk in, it hurt, it hurt real bad.

Whilst they have their lives together, and a plan ahead, I need to work on mine, get my deteriorating life balanced and stable.

I am not a negative person, and I don’t hate them. They are still and will always be the people I love.

But henceforth they shall be people I love and not obsess about.

It’s quite  a challenge but With God I can do this.

Dear Lord,

Today I come to You, with all the bondages and obsessions and addictions that I have tied and weaved my life around.

I know and see and feel how they are slowly degrading me and making me lose myself in a pit of self torture and lamentations.

I come to You, so You may lead me on, help me find my lost way, and make me whole ,  restored and renewed.

Help me Lord that I may seek You and make You my life’s centre. Help me remain united in Your Spirit.

Fill me with Your grace, and rejuvenate my dying self with Your eternal love.

For with You alone , I have no disappointments, no hurt, no distractions, no addictions, no pain , no misery.

For with You, I know I will find myself with what’s left of me. 

For with You, I shall be victorious.

In the Most Holy , Precious and powerful name of my Lord Jesus Christ.

AMEN.

#7 Finding Me