Tag Archives: her

Hushed Winds

​Because most days are like home days,

no mood to glam,

no mood to slay,

Just bury myself in books,

colours, brushes and simply spray,

wear baggy clothes,

and sing my own musings and verses,

smile as my hands move across blank pages,

create something,

that I can’t think about,

write something my heart gushes without doubts,

take notes, and

listen to tell-tales of emotions.


May be because without the Cinders , Ella wouldn’t have been the Cinderella to her Prince ,

Maybe because without being grounded,

I wouldn’t test my wings,

And so, When I’ll know I’m ready,

I will let you watch me fly, 

and soar,

and smile.


Until then, I’m the hushed winds in your sky. .

.

.

– L E A N D R A –
#simplethings #simplelife #simplicityeverywhere

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15 Confessions about me.

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point 12. and my books. is small because I do have a secret mini library that’s off limits to anyone. Not even family. (so that’s a secret. now keep quiet.)

and point 15 is more of a request than a confession.
Here you go… I did a 15 confessions for you to get to know me better.
Writers can be weird too.

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Secure Insecure Curses.

Insecurities always kill my good vibes.

They are always too loud,

too disheartening,

always limiting my abilities.

And Sometimes I don’t want to feel the screams of the self criticism,

because I’m not in a race to fit in,

but in a journey to self love.

So honey, am I wrong if I am learning to love all my edges ?

Every darkest insecurity included.

—————–

Why is it so very difficult to get past some offensive, embarrassing or hurtful memories ?

Like “That’s not your size, it’s for the slimmer people.”  – means I shouldn’t dare touch it, it’s off limits, and taboo.

“That shade is too awful on you, you can’t wear it off .” –  means don’t you dare think you are Barbie, so you can pull off any damn color.

You know you are cute, yeah just cute, and they call me beautiful, but you are cute.” – means don’t bother, you can never be beautiful. The term beautiful includes inner beauty too, but naah, beautiful is a face that screams attention.

“You are a bookworm, nothing good will happen of you .” – Like seriously if I find books more interesting and friendly then overly dominating and hypocritical behavior, and I choose them over you, I don’t damn need your horrid curses.

You are always with your studies and your work, you don’t even know what a social life is .” – I’m sorry, if by social life you meant be a gossip queen like you, and spend like I own a freaking bank , when it’s not really the money I earned? I’m so sorry, I want to build a career and earn and not look like a gold digger as you. Because quite honestly, I will always prefer the person I am over you a million times.

You are beyond repair. Unless you hit the gym you’ll never get in shape.” – I didn’t realize you were attracted to amoeba me. Because your words depict a shapeless me. Like seriously If I’m amoeba, I have the super power to change shapes and alter my personality. No. one change, is cutting loose from heartless people like you.

You are getting older. Try looking for good guys that are hard to get. My daughter is lucky she found love. But if you don’t hurry, you might remain a spinster for life.” – Like fucking seriously, get real. Just because your daughter found love, does not mean everybody else is loveless. There’s a time for everything. And even if I stay a spinster for life, why is it bothering you so damn much . I lost repect for you, when you had such shallow thoughts for me.

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Every time I have met my critiques, they have given me some serious verbal wounds that had a lasting impact on me. They engraved insecurity in me.

Insecurities that are so freaking loud, that everytime my blouse was alil short above my hips, I’d be as conscious as a rat smelling cheese, or everytime I see a couple in love, I would end up wondering if what she said might come true ?

and when I see me struggling with my career I wonder if really there’s nothing good gonna happen of me .

………………..


People your words leave your mouth in seconds.

But they leave behind wounds that can never be healed in time. These wounds are the insecurities you engraved in a child 

-that craved to be told she is beautiful when the world made her feel ugly,

-that wanted to believe in love when it was too tough but you told her love might never be for her ,

-that wanted to love herself, and help others too, but you kept shaming her body, her thoughts, her love.

What cruel trap do you weave which you forget and never once rethink about, but your words have a child victimized for life to deal with a tortuous battle of “I am not enough.”



Why ! Thank you.

I appreciate your role in my life.

I’m glad I now know to not get my (future) kids anywhere near the likes of you.

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Mystery

She belonged to the era,

where tiny Pluto was the 9th planet,

and solar system was an enchanting mystery,

where milky way in a crazy galaxy,

was like a bed of sparkles and white roses,

and now as reality sinks in,

and pluto is called a dwarf planet,

her galaxies have even more darkness ,

faint sparkles with anxiety & roughness ,

the mysteries now lie in her history,

and just as pluto is a question in the planetorial seas,

her life is filled with less sweet dreams,

and more of harsh realities.

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Desolation.

She craved silence,

and when she had it,

it killed her even more,

it was even louder, more tormenting.

Eventually she grew enough resilience,

to fight it,

but her wounds always kept her sore,

anxiety knocking off the ways she was surviving.

She tried to hush the voices,

trapping her , cracking her,

she tried to stitch all the reopenings,

but the more she fought to keep it all together,

the  more life was conniving.

She was losing a lost battle,

how much longer could she her demons be bribing ?

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Blunders of life.

He left her for someone else ,

& She kinda learnt to re-live.

Even though it hurt so bad,

betrayals make you longer grieve .


He spoke about his endless dreams,

and made her believe she was in.

And on the hill top, as he neared,

He’s very presence had her feared.

Somehow she knew she had to leave,

because the hope he gave,

her heart couldn’t around weave.


He was like butter,

melting over a hot pan,

He tried to make her heart flutter,

then she realized his underlying plans,

He understood she wasn’t his pawn,

& so He shut her out, because she had let him down.


He texted her and got all yo yo!

She cringed and thought- ‘why me though ?’

again She was disappointed with disrespect,

Wishing everyone had a label on their heads,

Hah ! that would have been so utterly perfect!


So much for trying to be more hopeful,

so much for getting down the walls,

with the endless falls,

each encounter made her more remorseful,

but she still stood brave & tall.

No love! she can’t allow you in,

unless you teach her how to trust from within,

give her endless reasons, so you she could believe in,

realizing she doesn’t know anything about love,

hoping you could give her a meaning.

Remember she has far too many doubts, 

& many more fears have crept in,

She is exhausted with meaningless encounters,

so don’t expect her to easily give in .


_ L E A N D R A _

_ R O D R I G U E S _

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For you who needs somebody .

​I want to inspire,

just as you inspire me.

I want to be there,

just as I wanted someone 

to be there for me.

I want to reach out in all your agony,

so my words may help you see more clarity.

Just as I faced my storms,

so shall you,

Just as I learnt to be calm,

I pray you do too.

And when you know 

you aren’t alone,

you’ll have more courage,

and that, I’ll pray may never turn into a blinding rage.

As your hope flickers,

you will revive your lost faith.

And when no reason you find,

you will look up to seek your purpose,

with a weary drooping spirit,

and no answers to life’s endless questions,

you shall learn to thrive,

without knowing the morrow,

with hazy visions, and shaky steps,

moving forward, will help you regain your zest.

And as from the fire you emerge,

all hot and blazing and reshaped,

you shall see your strength,

and why life had you so much scrapped.

It will make sense,

let time help you blend,

Don’t lose heart,

Darling it’s a start,

someday you shall understand 

everything under heaven has it’s own part.

It is all but – a mighty plan,

let it reveal to you, lead you to God’s hand,

hold it, as He will mould you,

open up, He will teach you,

Life is peaceful, when you’ll learn 

that tears and pain do not really you burn,

and the happiness you chase,

is indeed through the fire that sets you ablaze.

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