Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Attraction Distraction Obsession Destruction.

It all starts with a few stares shared. Or that head rush where you feel like you’re high and you can’t stop taking your eyes off the specimen of your interest.

From a stupid crush to the strong pulls of attraction, which often turns into fascination, and upon alil fueled flirty conversations you are likely to become obsessed to either impress or charm or seek the attention of the much wanted distraction , so you can have a twist in your stagnant boring life.

As much as crushing is a good feeling, and it is nothing evil or such, it’s just human of us to feel the pulls of the universe around, whether from a person in our vicinity or any other such object ;

but being obsessed is just another thing. Obssession comes only when you feed your crush feeling with even more strong pulls and pushes of attraction. And very often if you are not cautious , such obssession slowly takes control of the way you think, and feel, it kinda posseses you, and all you crave is that good mushy feeling all the time, the attention, the tingly beats of your heart, the head rush, the smiles that you dont keep a check on while reading a message or talking or simply checking out the object you are slowly getting obsessed with.

Mind you, unhealthy obsessions act as a trigger of self destruction . You may not realize it, but you are uneasy and unsettled and over thinking in the absence of your crush. And that often steals your peace and makes you agitated.

Remember, not all crsuhes come with a tag of love, some are just for us to live at the moment and forget. Not all attractions should be fed for you to get obsessed. And not all obsessions should you let possess you, and destroy the lil peace you have.

Unknowingly as humans we fall trap to the push and pulls of the universe, and so be conscious and know what should be fed and what should be starved. When you become too agitated in the absence of something, it is best to maintain a distance, find a good distraction and keep your mind busy, slowly the agitation will fade into nothingness given proper time.

It is the same like addiction. You are so obsessed over a thing, your brain controls your feelings and makes you believe that that particular feeling is something you need, you just need it , and you can’t do otherwise. But that’s not true. Everyone can adapt to changes and getting over an unhealthy crush or obssesion or lost love, may act as a challenge for a moment, but it isn’t something that you need, you can get over it, given time and how you starve your brain and feelings of longing or false need.

Trust me. All your brain does in this starvation phase is  make you irritated and tempts you to give in, go ahead and indulge in your crush even when you dont really get the feelings or treatment you deserve in return. It makes you want to believe that it is completely ok. That may be what you thought you deserve is overstated, and you should settle for less.

NO! DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS. NEVER EVER DO THAT TO YOURSELF.

You first treat yourself with respect, know that you deserve what you offer in total equality. Nothing less. More is an added bonus.

What attention and feelings you invest, if reciprocated in the same force you have pushed so the other pulls, then it’s quite likely that such an investment may develop into a good relationship.

But if the crises forthcoming is seen before hand, you see the symptoms of an unhealthy relationship, then stop. Get back to yourself and catch yourself before you fall into the pit you digged.

Desolation is not a nice place to live in. Being irritated and sad and having thoughts of “what’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?” are self destroying.

You are good enough. You are enough . Accept yourself first and let no one ever make you doubt that Your totality lacks anything. You are complete and unique , not a half , not unloved. You are your own person. And your love for yourself should be on par with your respect for yourself.

Questioning what you lack is mocking your self esteem and saying you love and respect yourself but not really feeling it genuinely.
Crush blush hush.

Don’t overpull, when pushed.

No one makes you sad, if you dont let them.

Let it not stranggle your peace.

It’s not worth thinking about if it makes you self doubt.

You are worth much more then being let down.

You are enough , even when they fail to see.

You are your own, change at your will , not at the will of others.

Take it easy. Take it slow. Go with the flow.

Take care. I hope this acts as an eye opener.

Have a great day.

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Mystery

She belonged to the era,

where tiny Pluto was the 9th planet,

and solar system was an enchanting mystery,

where milky way in a crazy galaxy,

was like a bed of sparkles and white roses,

and now as reality sinks in,

and pluto is called a dwarf planet,

her galaxies have even more darkness ,

faint sparkles with anxiety & roughness ,

the mysteries now lie in her history,

and just as pluto is a question in the planetorial seas,

her life is filled with less sweet dreams,

and more of harsh realities.

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Realising what her soul needs.

Impending decisions

hurting her brain,

squeezing her heart,

shattered expectations,

endless rains,

ruining her fresh starts,

wishing and praying,

for ways unseen,

to know how to save 

what’s buried deep within ?

breaths so deep,

shudders of panic,

remorse and regrets,

hurting golden reflects,

slave of chosen thorns,

how to undo not being the hopeless pawn?

Conjure the courage,

hustle, you are brave,

hush the storms,

darling just salvage,

what screams for attention,

let it be sought,

for she is there amidst your wrongful retorts,

not lost, not broken, 

just awaiting,

for you to let the door be open,

and not leave her to rot.
_ L E A N D R A _

#leeevibes
#writersofinstagram #writersofinstagram

#writerden #writerdiaries

#writer #soulfood #soulpeace #write #wordporn #deeplove

#soullove #art #abstractart #abstractexpressionism #creativity #create #artistsoninstagram #poem

_____ _____ __________ ______

Before I dive in my write up… let’s read this convo between me and my talented artist friend.

Kim : Check this out . ( A canvas of brilliant work of art )

Me: ***Mesmerised. And sad.***

Makes me want to be an artist. For life.

Kim : I know right!

Me: I wish… I so damn wish  I could go back in time and change fate.

(Inner voice screaming darling it’s never too late.)

Kim : Sometimes even I wish the same but then I remember all that we chose before, brings us to be what we are today.

Me: True that. If I dint have regrets, I’d not have a blog, I’d never know what writing meant to me.

“”””sigh”””

Ok, (deep breath) … It’s not too late to be an artist. Weirdly even today morning I ordered more artistic stuff. Seems like we don’t need a qualification to create. We can do that anywhere, anytime, because being an artist is being born to be one, no one can make you that if you don’t have that passion, that fire.

Kim : Oh Yes True! It’s the best thing we can give back of all that we’ve been given…. the experiences and the choices!

Me: You know, you give me hope when I lose mine. Thanks.

Kim : Same here darling, You’ve always inspired me. . even though we’re like not close friends , it feels I’ve known you like always! .. Thank Youuu!

Me: (I know the feeling… its because our spirits are sisters… )

Thank you too …

Other than that convo, I kinda revealed to my best friend whom I’ve been avoiding for days, because of her super powers of reading me, that I am not happy.

This past month I’ve been home, each day gave me a glimpse of who I am, who I truly am.

A girl with a spirit of an artist, writer and love for music. Passionate and peace loving.

Even though she had the right brain to tackle the tough life she always wanted, or so she thought, somehow she had let her true self be buried, she chose her brain over her heart,

and for the past 3 years it’s been her constant battle. She knew she wasn’t happy, always frustrated and tired of the stressful life.

Even though she worked smoothly in her work life, she knew this was not what she would love to do for life. And that reasoning was something she kept running from.

How can she undo the damage done, 3 years too late to realise,

or has life indeed given her a chance?

How will she face the questions and the society and her family?

When she thinks of the impending decisions,

she wonders if choosing is even a choice.

 

Working with all your heart, brings solace , a profound happiness.

But can she choose that ?

As much as her friend told her to grow a thick skin and face her demons.

Is it worth the risk ?

To see everyone looking at you like a failure, to see the crestfallen gaze of her parents,

She fumbles with the thoughts of broken expectations,

and fears not knowing the answer to –

how will she make them proud again ?

will this be enough ?

#10 Finding Me

Ages back she said this one thing 

“You are too dramatic.”

and it still bothers me like a thorn beneath my feet.

And I want to make peace.

I don’t really know in what context she said it.

If being overly emotional about things is being dramatic  , then I don’t know how to be the normal version you’d prefer. So I’ll stick to being dramatic.

I am pretty sure there are people like me who have such an atomic composition where we are just born sensitive, and I’m one of those that will be in tears for a stupid emotional movie even if that’s among a 100 people in a theatre, pretty much why I avoid sad movies.

Ask me if I would prefer any disney movie or action movies like Batman or Spiderman or Ironman or series like Sherlock Homes, or  Once upon a time, or TVD or even Horror movies (no one should scream in my ears)…. I’m your buddy to enjoy a marathon of them with or without popcorn.

If this will be reason for you to get a chance to call me childish, then  Hey …I am that.

If caring and loving blindly and selflessly  was me being fake, then ,ouch, I’m sorry, it took me so long, but I , now , don’t invest my emotions and faith in just any person.

If my care of messaging was an issue of frustration and nagging, then its great , now I don’t really bother texting or calling anyone.

If you could ignore my presence , to be with people that make you look cool, then , Thanks again, I’m making space for people who can appreciate my presence.
I assure you ,

when I am silent , it is my voice that you shall miss,

when I am not the one motivating , it is my words that will create a void,

when I will have buried all that I wrapped,

my presence will never be yours to cherish.

Because when you couldn’t value what I was,

then you don’t get to watch who I become.
Thank you for the blessons,

I can now so relate to me.

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Major life alterations happen when you have more disappointments from people you invest in.

Everyone realises this in time, that it’s best to expect the least from people you naturally expect the most.
But Hey… they are the major #Blessons … Appreciate it.

Take life as it comes.
and start belonging to your soul.
#haveablessedweek

#writer

#writerden

#writerdiaries

#writersofinstagram

#blogging 

#blogger

#bloggerlife

#bloggerdiaries

#life #onedayatatime

#confessions (P.S. Probably the last of Finding me series. )

Agitated writer’s grumbling.

This happens far too often.

img_20170413_115042_385.jpg

How us writers end up bugging some friends so much that they kinda stop bother checking out your blogs, and in time, you just end up not sending them the links, because well you just realize it’s pointless.

Well, I am so not sorry to have bombarded my blog or IG a/c with numerous posts and updates , because me ?…I often get hit by a WRITERS BLOCK. And that time sometimes stretches for months and weeks and days. And it’s bad.

So each time there’s this flow of words and blissful flood of inspiration, it’s like an energy we got to tap, right there, right then, to produce something raw and remarkable, and forgive me if I do just that.

That’s usually how creative minds work. Don’t they ?

If there’s like this one day we get that whole halo of magical drive to write and sketch or paint or doodle or anything, then why the hell not do we not work on it.

Your irritation isn’t reason enough I stop my chance to enjoy moments of happiness.

Well , I did have some of you point it out and mock on my face, and that coming from people I count on, kinda made me realize maybe I put my faith in the wrong ones all this time.

It’s good to realize certain things and make changes , no one wants to invest too much where its so clearly unnecessary.

Damn right , I’m emotional and sensitive. But then again if I have been involved in your life, I am truthfully giving you my best self .

But sometimes I figure that’s not what some need. They need to see the different aspects you can be.

And in times when I choose my calm, and treasure my silence, in this solitude,

I’m finally fine without the many mocking voices to have called once my own people.

Bless you,

L E A N D R A.

#ramblingsofanagitatedwriter

#dontmesswithawriter

#shecanmakeyouthestory

#takethat

#tryingnottobeharsh #butmakingapoint

#writerden #writerdiaries #artistdiaries #artistden #illustrations #writersofinstagram #artistogram

Painting is therapy #2

At first I looked at her and thought damn the imperfections…

And then I looked at me and wondered “what is so perfect ?”

And it came back

Not a blow

But reality.

If I’m perfectly fine with my imperfect self,

Why couldn’t I let her be too ?

My very thought of seeing her with my lowest vision snatched away her lil chance at smiling.

Darling I’m sorry for being harsh,

Can you smile for me the next time we meet ?
_ L E A N D R A _

IMG_20170412_114348_158
#illustrations dont need to be perfect.

#art #creativemodeon #imperfection is art

And #art is peace.

Painting is therapy #1

Something about textures,

Something about paints,

Something about creating something totally insane,

Something that the soul lusts for,

Something so soothing.

Something that let’s you embark on a thrilling journey, full of wonder.

It just feels good to forget 

And let my palette be my undoing.

(Yea…. That’s by me … )

#artistdiaries #writerdiaries #writerden #artistden #paintwrite #create #creativemodeon #creativity_is_soul_lust