Tag Archives: paint

Painting is therapy #1

Something about textures,

Something about paints,

Something about creating something totally insane,

Something that the soul lusts for,

Something so soothing.

Something that let’s you embark on a thrilling journey, full of wonder.

It just feels good to forget 

And let my palette be my undoing.

(Yea…. That’s by me … )

#artistdiaries #writerdiaries #writerden #artistden #paintwrite #create #creativemodeon #creativity_is_soul_lust


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The mighty pause

DEAR  ME,

It’s been a very long time indeed. I haven’t been myself in this period- I’ll refer to as “the pause of my life.”

It had been a Philippians-4-6-7whirlpool of riotic feelings and pessimistic visions for as long as it lasted.

I am truly glad it’s over. The most difficult time in it all was for me to realise and accept that I had the key to shut it all once and for good. But I took my own time drilling me into an ocean of  desolation and grumpiness.

I took time feeling unworthy, shattered, lost, Carl-Jung-Quote-Even-a-happy-life-cannotand seeing failures and dark pits at every horizon.

They kept telling me ” this ain’t you, wake up. I learnt to be brave from you. I learnt to accept change from you. I learnt to be optimistic from you.  You can’t be this negative. Stop inflicting self pity and torture.”

The words rang deep. But all I felt was hollow. It felt unreal, did I really mean all that? Did I really be someone who I am not now? How did I change? How do I change back? Where do I find the key I misplaced?

Questions and questions.. Never ending ordeal of pessimistic notions.

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So many “Cannots, may nots, Will not, have not, not enough,…. ”

Oh! God save me, It felt like someone was ripping my soul before me to shreds and I stood there dumb, shakened, absorbed in the ruthless moment of misery.

It felt like someone inside me wanted to scream but I just couldn’t break free. I didn’t know how, nor when, nor what.

face-your-own-shaddow-quote-picture-good-life-quotes-pics-600x495It’s just a moment that was all that I needed to snap out of this nightmare.

What a horrifying nightmare indeed!

There’s alot this pause taught me.

Analysing the situation. Analysing my life, me.

Accepting that I can control  the thoughts that  govern my life.  That I will see the good in the bad. That I will be an optimist in the most undesired life situations. That I can go beyond this phase of negativity and lunge into the heaven of good positive vibes.

Things that we lose are things that we dont deserve. Things that we get are beautiful blessons ( blessings+ lessons).

13027247Sometimes it is so difficult to forgive, when you are not asked to forgive. Sometimes it’s so difficult to forget what you forgive. And Sometimes it is so difficult to accept the wrongs you’ve done and to move on. Yet in time, we do it all naturally. Do not force yourself, what has to happen will find a way gradually.

Life never promised that the canvas would remain colourless. When there are colours of warmt and liveliness, everyone feels the joy, but when the canvas gets splayed with dark spots, not everyone is able to appreciate the hidden beauty in it.

Not everyone is able to see the better picture before us.

It takes time to see through what we don’t want to see.

It takes time to accept what we are not ready to.

And it takes time to appreciate what we accept.

There’s a hell lot of difference when we say, we forgive from our heart and keep no grudges, no regrets, no remorse, no crudeness, no hatred. The question is what or whom do we forgive?

The deed and the person are two differentiable things.

When you forgive the deed, you have forgiven the person. You have forgiven yourself. And so to rest you have laid your negative emotions. You have compassion towards you and your fellow beings. You won’t run or escape or ignore what is so tangible and before your eyes. You can face anything, when you have the peace within. This peace gives strength, hope, faith and courage to be more resilient and more welcoming to the endless difficult phases of life.

And when you forgive the person without forgiving the deed. You will never be at peace. You will never be able to be compassionate with yourself.

To reach out to your soul, you need to be at peace- peace that stills away all that is unbalanced and let’s you walk through the doorway to meet your own-inner-self. Only then you feel relaxed and calm.

You need to succumb to no evil pressures but to God ( any Positive source of energy) alone.

You need to be in oneness, with the image of your soul. Only through compassion you can see the reflection of your soul in the acts of your human form.

(what I meant by “Deed” : Deed is that act or moment or notion that you find unforgivable, or that disturbs you internally, or makes you lose your sense of judging reality)

“TAKE IT EASY, BUT DON’T TAKE IT LIGHT.” – these words my brother said to me will always be with me.

Negativity of your thoughts and people takes us nowhere but into worse negative situations..

But positivity will take us a long way, its a slow but the best antidote for a long term life gain..

I failed in my efforts to get my goal, the goal I always wanted. But now because of this pause I am suddenly not so sure, if it still is what I want. I will take my time to find a way in or a way out.

But for the time that I lost, I can’t use the time that I have in wailing and sniffing about it. I need to restucture my way of life, so I know That I will never have to worry about unstable roots again. I need to focus on growing and learning to bloom in spring, to provide shade in summer, to give warmth every winter, to reach out to the sun, to be a shelter to those in need, to absorb the negativity around and give away positive vibes, to plant a tree of hope and self-reliance in everyone who walks by me.

I need to never forget to be ever so grateful, for the arms that reached out to me, the smiles that encouraged me, the love that helped me out a mess I created. Thank you.

And the best thing that the pause gave me is the experience of God. That he never forsakes. That it’s okay to fall, but it’s not okay  to not try to rise after the fall. That I am His Child, born to be victorious. And I have a spirit of life and peace that sets me free from all bondages of evil, sin and darkness.

And here I am resurfacing  from the depths of the unwanted sea of pessimism.

I am the writer of my life, and I will write it till the end.

I will change the course of my ship, when I have to, even if I’m not ready.

I will enjoy the nasty jerks and mild swings of every tide.

I will build my life into something that I will always love.

And I will appreciate the fact that at all times I HAVE ENOUGH.

I will live a life of gratitude.

The Unknown

Ever felt being lost in a whirlwind of emotions? Being swept away by storms? Feeling this void deep within? Feeling this INDESCRIBABLE emotion whilst letting go of almost everything? This feeling of uncertainty.. the feeling of standing raw and ripped and bared to the flames of the unknown.

3540305242_logo THE UNKNOWN .. what is it? How is it? It creates anxiety.. It creates expectations.. It creates hopefulness and also doubts..

The void brings out an outburst of welcomed and most unwelcomed of all emotions. The mixture of positivity and negativity. And all your left with is to wonder which one shall reign?

I’m in a dilemma.. trying to figure out which battlefield I’m standing on? what am I fighting against? What is all this about?

Its like your suddenly whacked and thrown off your pendulum. You lose your balance and you just keep falling without a landing. And whilst you fall , there’s this torturous wait to know the unknown, to face fears, to realize there’s no choice available here.

Sometimes its beyond our understanding to figure out the deep underlying meaning beneath all the hazy- crazy- messy life.

There are those tough rough hard times where you need to wear a cloak of pretense and show the world that you’re “perfectly fine, not afraid, not confused, not falling apart.” But more than the world, these are the times when you pretend the most with your own-self. You pretend so much and get so habituated that there comes a time when the cloak will become a crucial part of you and no longer be used as a prop.

These are the times when once you’re hit by a ton of bricks, you get all so pessimistic that there’s more of this… Et voila.. there it is , the walls collapsing on you, doors closing on you. The life you created suddenly- just like the sand is gnawed by the waves of the sea- just rips apart. When you get all negative, there’s no limit to what extent of negativity you can reach that can pull you off the cliff you hang on, and take you drowning deep into the unwelcomed ocean of pessimism. And all that happens whilst your trapped in there, is more because of this parasite in your mind , body and soul. The parasite that flicks off any small spark of positivity or hope or courage or anything that could help you out. It makes you believe there’s no way out, when there is. It makes you accept that you cannot break free through the walls threatening and looming over you. You feel diminished by absolute negativity that you begin to see in almost everything. And you begin to accept that this is how it should be and you are fine. Well! You are NOT.

You are thrown out your comfy zone. Now … now.. this is yet another trial.. And you need to use the correct switches available to break out the cuffs and chains that stagnate your growth, that lead you not to positivity.

It’s a matter of choices we need to make. And sometimes we need to be harsher than the harsh. We need to PUSH when being pulled with equal force. We need to realise that the leech or the parasite can be crushed.

Life gives us a fair amount of choices and options. Most that it offers always comes with a switch that we can use to our likings. But many a times we choose to be purposefully unaware. But there are the other  times when you’re not given a choice but there’s something else working for you- unfavourable yet in favour of you- not so likeable yet what is best for you. You can call it any name you want- “Karma”.. “Fate”.. “Destiny” .. “Universe and its energy” … “GOD”..

So long you accept that there’s some energy around you fiddling with your life, that it helps you fix the puzzle or throws at you yet another one. You’ll be able to vaguely see and imagine a bigger picture of what all this is leading you to. It’s a step at a time. Small bits falling together.

Where’s the beauty if life had to be comfy and cozy and nicy-dicy all the time? Where’s the exhilarating adventure without another turn, twist or a toss?

Where’s the fun without fears , provocation, storms and THE UNKNOWN?

The unknown is better. Knowing everything wouldn’t help us in anyway. Not knowing helps uIMG_125690279402377s to master the art to KNOW.

The unknown is filled with blessons (blessings & lessons). Enjoy the ride with all the topsy turvy roads at your disposal.

Again I’d repeat …. “YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE, Not the other way round. Yes , there is the inevitable, But the evitable will be based on the choices you make,”

Sometimes it’s all like MAKE-BELIEVE. There’s no other artist who will paint your life best for you. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE UNIQUE ARTIST OF YOUR OWN . PAINT IT. LIVE IT . LOVE IT.

THERE IS A CHOICE even when you believe there isn’t. Find it.

Lesson 3 – The Conflict

Sometimes you have to face bitterness in life…. Everything can’t be sweet and sugary always.

“Too much sugar – Bad for health.”

Too much happiness will not make you understand the deeper meaning of life.

To understand the real meaning of one we need to learn the meaning of the opposite.

Your life can’t always have shades of red, pink , green and yellow.. you’ll have to deal with shades of black, blue, grey and brown as well.

Remember all shades together make the rainbow beautiful. How would the rainbow look with only the shades of red? No green, no yellow, no blue, no violet, no indigo? …. Weirdly not thrilling right?

Just like a rainbow gives you a smile… Smile through all the colors of your life.

You can cry over the blues…………. Hide through the blacks….. Run through the reds………….. Smile through the pinks…… Think wonderful all through the greens..

You have the color palette in your hand. Paint your life canvas the way you love it best.. Have loads of fun.. but also make your life an eventful adventure..

Make sure you get to ‘the pot of golden coins‘ at the end of your rainbow.. Cause we all do have a pot of coins awaiting us. These coins are your acts that can make you richer than the finest gold.

Act Wisely.

There is nothing wrong in being bitter to those who can’t cope with your sweetness. But why give the poison back to the poison maker? Do you really think he won’t know how to deal with such a deadly poison? Don’t make yourself the poison for others!

Why not instead you stop the over-sweetness and be the one person you are, that can drive away the poison makers– with the flare of indifference your behavior depicts and detain around you those who’s demeanor shouts loyalty?

Life is a colorful rainbow.. Drink in its beauty all that it showers over you.

Create a robustness about you that can hurtle the bitterness the world shoves your way, beneath the very ground you place your feet on.

Never bemoan of being yourself. Be proud. Stand Strong. Hit the storms headfirst. Live your life the way you feel right. But make sure the right ain’t the wrong.

Take no offense when you are being judged for free, remember you didn’t pay , neither did you ask. So don’t waste time over hypocrites and their cheap judgement, they can’t afford you.

And also don’t forget that Just Judges are the most expensive ones. And the One Above all is GOD.

Do what is righteous. Even when the right feels wrong and the wrong feels right.