Tag Archives: self love

Attraction Distraction Obsession Destruction.

It all starts with a few stares shared. Or that head rush where you feel like you’re high and you can’t stop taking your eyes off the specimen of your interest.

From a stupid crush to the strong pulls of attraction, which often turns into fascination, and upon alil fueled flirty conversations you are likely to become obsessed to either impress or charm or seek the attention of the much wanted distraction , so you can have a twist in your stagnant boring life.

As much as crushing is a good feeling, and it is nothing evil or such, it’s just human of us to feel the pulls of the universe around, whether from a person in our vicinity or any other such object ;

but being obsessed is just another thing. Obssession comes only when you feed your crush feeling with even more strong pulls and pushes of attraction. And very often if you are not cautious , such obssession slowly takes control of the way you think, and feel, it kinda posseses you, and all you crave is that good mushy feeling all the time, the attention, the tingly beats of your heart, the head rush, the smiles that you dont keep a check on while reading a message or talking or simply checking out the object you are slowly getting obsessed with.

Mind you, unhealthy obsessions act as a trigger of self destruction . You may not realize it, but you are uneasy and unsettled and over thinking in the absence of your crush. And that often steals your peace and makes you agitated.

Remember, not all crsuhes come with a tag of love, some are just for us to live at the moment and forget. Not all attractions should be fed for you to get obsessed. And not all obsessions should you let possess you, and destroy the lil peace you have.

Unknowingly as humans we fall trap to the push and pulls of the universe, and so be conscious and know what should be fed and what should be starved. When you become too agitated in the absence of something, it is best to maintain a distance, find a good distraction and keep your mind busy, slowly the agitation will fade into nothingness given proper time.

It is the same like addiction. You are so obsessed over a thing, your brain controls your feelings and makes you believe that that particular feeling is something you need, you just need it , and you can’t do otherwise. But that’s not true. Everyone can adapt to changes and getting over an unhealthy crush or obssesion or lost love, may act as a challenge for a moment, but it isn’t something that you need, you can get over it, given time and how you starve your brain and feelings of longing or false need.

Trust me. All your brain does in this starvation phase is  make you irritated and tempts you to give in, go ahead and indulge in your crush even when you dont really get the feelings or treatment you deserve in return. It makes you want to believe that it is completely ok. That may be what you thought you deserve is overstated, and you should settle for less.

NO! DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS. NEVER EVER DO THAT TO YOURSELF.

You first treat yourself with respect, know that you deserve what you offer in total equality. Nothing less. More is an added bonus.

What attention and feelings you invest, if reciprocated in the same force you have pushed so the other pulls, then it’s quite likely that such an investment may develop into a good relationship.

But if the crises forthcoming is seen before hand, you see the symptoms of an unhealthy relationship, then stop. Get back to yourself and catch yourself before you fall into the pit you digged.

Desolation is not a nice place to live in. Being irritated and sad and having thoughts of “what’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?” are self destroying.

You are good enough. You are enough . Accept yourself first and let no one ever make you doubt that Your totality lacks anything. You are complete and unique , not a half , not unloved. You are your own person. And your love for yourself should be on par with your respect for yourself.

Questioning what you lack is mocking your self esteem and saying you love and respect yourself but not really feeling it genuinely.
Crush blush hush.

Don’t overpull, when pushed.

No one makes you sad, if you dont let them.

Let it not stranggle your peace.

It’s not worth thinking about if it makes you self doubt.

You are worth much more then being let down.

You are enough , even when they fail to see.

You are your own, change at your will , not at the will of others.

Take it easy. Take it slow. Go with the flow.

Take care. I hope this acts as an eye opener.

Have a great day.

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Had she had a spirit of rebel.

​And on days she had to behave,

she would wear her 4 inches,

sway her skirts,

and keep straight her mane.


And if she smiled,

it was surely a matter of grace,

but deep within,

she was smirking at fate.


Well bred, well fed,

she wasn’t meant to be a brat,

But she did wonder 

what would it be 

had she had a spirit of rebel ?


It wouldn’t have to be near the word caution,

it wouldn’t be her very evasion ?

of being modest and dreamy,

graceful and kind,

But Alas ! that’s uncanny,

since her spirit was tamed just fine.
_ L E A N D R A _
#justwords #mywords #wordporn 

#leeevibes 

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#writer #writerdiaries

I am enough.

When I was a kid, I was hopelessly stick thin, black and looked like an unwanted ugly monkey.

Well I’m sorry I’m harsh,  but that’s what I believe I felt or was made to feel.

No matter how many tonics or foods or skirts of bukram they’d dress me with, no layers could hide away what I was.

Basically ugly. Unphotogenic.

Even though I was loved, it came with a condition of me not learning to love myself.

I was always conscious. No one bothered to teach me to love and accept myself.

On the contrary it was the exact opposite, I had to layer up in bukrams to not look like a stick or pull my unruly curly hair in tight pony tails making my head ache, only so they could think I was having a civilized upbringing.

What would have it been like , to be told then,

“darling you are beautiful with your wild hair, and caramel skin. No matter what you weigh, don’t let your heart be dismayed. We love you, and you should love every part of you.Because beauty lies within.”

Would I have learnt to love myself differently?

But it didn’t happen that way.

Self loving was and is probably a selfish thought , as per them. Knowing the way I’m brought up, I should put others  before me. Being selfless is the key to live a good life.

Is it ? Being human and selfless all the time, made me realise I’m always paying the price for disappointments and expectations. When will I learn to love, respect and accept every atom in my body ?

They don’t understand that it’s a necessity for every child to learn to accept themselves before they can accept the world as it is.

If these children haven’t conquered their inner most demons, how will they withstand the trials of this journey ? But no, fitting in was more important lesson then helping them gear up for life battles through self acceptance.

Ofcourse, as I hit puberty, my body changed, I did gain weight. And guess what , now they have words like pumpkin and fat ass for me.

The name calling never changes in time. Does it ?

You are either too thin or too fat!

what’s perfect to fit in? exactly? I never felt that, I won’t ever know what it is like to be loved for being the perfect puzzle fitting everyone’s expectations?

Even though with the weight I gained, I kinda became abit photogenic, so I’m kinda cute, not beautiful, mind you, that’s something only for the perfect shaped fair beauties. Beautiful is a word I hardly came across.

Have you ever tried telling your kid how beautiful they are, how beautiful their heart is ?

That’s a beautiful way to soar their spirit, But naaah, I’m sorry you’ll are always busy teaching them to fit in the world.

Why the hell can’t you’ll realize, that not all are meant to fit in ? Why can’t you let them be ?

Sometimes you don’t have to teach your child what is right, have faith in them, and let them decide. If you taught them well, they will do good. And if they fumble, teach them, that it is okay, that they can rise, that they are loved for what they are. They don’t have to be like someone else, rather just be themselves , the true self their spirit belongs to. Stop comparing them to their siblings and friends. Each one is different. Whilst they lack what the others have, they have something that others don’t, instead of boiling and cursing on what they lack, why can’t you appreciate what they have ?

How difficult is it ? To only say a few kind words with a warm smile, assuring them, that you accept them even if the world doesn’t.

So when I faced a tough life situation, where I had to let go of what I wanted, because it was toxic and degrading me. I was raw , and bare and cut open, with so much anxiety, pain and no self love. Always wondering what went wrong ?

What did I lack ? questioning my existence. Not having faith in my purpose ? What was I doing here ? Why am I breathing ?  Am I that unwanted? Can no one learn to love me ?

How can they , when I can’t?

I learnt it the harsh way, when I thought it was too late to, I’m not yet done learning to fully love and accept my self. But I’m working on it.

Baby steps, small steps, a step forward is a way forward.

And I tell you it isn’t selfish to self love, it is a wonderful way to self accept the inner most being you are. And that acceptance fuels your confidence and builds your belief in yourself.

It is very crucial to love oneself before you can love others. Because only then you have love within, love enough to share.

Harbor and harness that inner love, let it grow, and then you shall see the change, where you can feel the beauty gush out from within you to around you. You will have a wonderful vision of life and live even more peacefully in a world, that you need not fear, need not be forced to fit in, because you don’t have to, you can stand out, and make others believe in their true authentic self. Because that is enough. You are enough.

I am enough. More than enough.

It is alright.

She was once that person who could love unconditionally, 

she could forgive without being asked for fogiveness ,

she could hear all unspoken wishes, and she’d try to give you her best self even when you wouldn’t deserve it.

You’d be annoyed with her care, cause it made you guilty, because you knew deep down , she was the angel you envied. 

She could take away your darkness, give you her light, Even though it was killing her, 

she’d do it without spite, and you knew she was just too much, much more then you could ever want.

So as you always do, you’d hurt her, leave her troubled,

never once bother to reply to her worried words,

yet each day she would wait for your return,

hope for a change , because she was smitten.

Until your coldness, chilled her soul,

you played along as she walked on burning coals,

It didn’t bother you, to see the sorrow in her depths,

all you wanted was what you thought was best.

And so when you left.

She didn’t just die her natural death,

but she ripped herself to shreds,

and let time help her rebuild herself,

now the likes of you 

cannot ever seek refuge in her living remains.

Agitated writer’s grumbling.

This happens far too often.

img_20170413_115042_385.jpg

How us writers end up bugging some friends so much that they kinda stop bother checking out your blogs, and in time, you just end up not sending them the links, because well you just realize it’s pointless.

Well, I am so not sorry to have bombarded my blog or IG a/c with numerous posts and updates , because me ?…I often get hit by a WRITERS BLOCK. And that time sometimes stretches for months and weeks and days. And it’s bad.

So each time there’s this flow of words and blissful flood of inspiration, it’s like an energy we got to tap, right there, right then, to produce something raw and remarkable, and forgive me if I do just that.

That’s usually how creative minds work. Don’t they ?

If there’s like this one day we get that whole halo of magical drive to write and sketch or paint or doodle or anything, then why the hell not do we not work on it.

Your irritation isn’t reason enough I stop my chance to enjoy moments of happiness.

Well , I did have some of you point it out and mock on my face, and that coming from people I count on, kinda made me realize maybe I put my faith in the wrong ones all this time.

It’s good to realize certain things and make changes , no one wants to invest too much where its so clearly unnecessary.

Damn right , I’m emotional and sensitive. But then again if I have been involved in your life, I am truthfully giving you my best self .

But sometimes I figure that’s not what some need. They need to see the different aspects you can be.

And in times when I choose my calm, and treasure my silence, in this solitude,

I’m finally fine without the many mocking voices to have called once my own people.

Bless you,

L E A N D R A.

#ramblingsofanagitatedwriter

#dontmesswithawriter

#shecanmakeyouthestory

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The many phases of my heart.

IMG_20170413_004943_368

Maybe if I’d have listened to my mom all those years back, I could have been a professional Artist or illustrator by now….

But then my stubborn mind chose a different path….

And I’m still defining what I am…with the glorious pixie dust heart.
Seems like I did use some to charm my dear life, and see ! it’s not too late to claim to be what I am inside.

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Our heart goes through a hell lot as we grow up, sometimes the circumstances be unbearable and over whelming. And sometimes in this roller coaster ride called life you have some thrilling happy sappy moments.

The journey from teens to youth to adulthood is quite a gypsy ride. Lot of things get tossed aside, denials, temptations, lifestyle changes, socio-psycho environment changes and so on.

All you want at this phase of growing up is attention -in a positive way , to be tagged as hot or coolest or smartest or to be the favorite with the most sassiness or to be the slayer.

Your heart soars with the number of likes and comments increasing on your social media accounts, and there ….. just there.. another door to self glorification also in other words known as evil pride and ego is opened and unknowingly worshiped.

Fitting in – often makes us lose our most authentic self.

We tend to forget what we are, who we are in our most raw form and start believing in the fake facades we put up to fit in perfectly with the weird world.

And the downside of all this is that, when we face a setback or a failure , we are so disoriented as to what is real and what is not, because even the false is made to appear real. We do this to us. and then , the time we take to realize and get ourselves together , accept the true value of our bare true self without the many masks we had donned,

that process of acceptance is painful, and torturous but also freeing.

Even broken with a million pieces, we are still together, and each piece has our soul in it.

I have come to a realisation that, it is no point trying to fix a broken heart that tears apart on every disappoinment and betrayal. What actually matters is the maturity one gains in the process, where you know that you are at peace with youself even with the broken pieces- I’d love to refer as pixie dust.

{Pixie dust means A substance or influence with an apparently magical effect that brings great success or luck.)

We have magic within. This magic is Hope. All we need is to hold on to our Hope and have a leap of faith and trust the timing of your life. Because God will never let you down.

Good things are happening. All around you. for you. See the positive in the negative.

Change your perspective.

And start believing unless you want me to prove to you by sprinkling my pixie dust on you and having you under my spell.

And hey before I take my leave, “Don’t you forget to sprinkle some love on yourself, each day. Self love is how you can harbor kindness and let it grow within. Told ya! pixie dust comes handy . See ? from love to kindness to goodness and what not. Smile now.”

Much Love and Blessings,

L E A N D R A.

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Painting is therapy #3

IMG_20170403_204816_751

When frustration and anger turns into something productive… It’s been long since we had a date… DEAR COLOURS , even though it was alil rusty, we made it .

I guess we need more time together….

Don’t you think ?
Oh right, next time I won’t come to you all grumpy.
Well even if I do……. I’m sure you’ll help me forget. You always do.
Since it was never a break up, just a break…. we do have a forever thing going right?
Atleast some relationships dont create rough patches in time.
Your’s always,

_ L E A N D R A _

(From Lizart diaries)
#longtimenosee #colours #paints #textures #pastels #funbusiness #goodforsoul #creativemodeon #artistdiaries #rustyworksofarts