Tiny details – more life.

Doesn’t this look like a card ?

Even though the edges of an unused canvas have the remains of my last paintings, 

I can’t stop staring at these tiny bits,

that make me sigh in contentment.

When I see them ,

even the tiniest drop of colour,

inspires me,

ignites my spirit,

sets ablaze my being,

it’s like sometimes 

I just can’t control,

this maddening 

urge to paint something, 

anything, everything.

If nature had no colour, 

would it still refuel you and me ?

if my edges won’t have the remains,

would I still fall in love with my work ?

if you have no scars,

would you still have a story 

worth feeling proud about?

if you stack away the remains,

would you still manage to live 

without doubts ? .

Sometimes

things, set us free,

things that go unnoticed,

things that we fail to observe,

those tiny simple things 

that when chosen

make the most perfect choices,

those tiny details 

that make a difference.

Live… acknowledge.. the tiny details.. stay happy… be at peace..

Sometimes.

And sometimes life will take you to paths forbidden, paths you never wished to walk,

paths unknown, paths with steep slopes and dangerous rocks,

Sometimes you will assume that you are doomed, and God has been unfair, 

Sometimes you fail to see that the path you took wasn’t what you wanted, but needed to be who you are.

Each different direction life takes us and we act rigid to accept, adapt and change, 

Each time the wrong which feels too very wrong, 

has something right about it hidden in its depths,

something about finding yourself,

something about learning to love one self,

something about learning who you are,

how much you can take,

and how brave you can be,

These directions take us through the furnace and through the meadows,

sometimes we get so used to the furnace, the grill, the burns, that accepting the meadows feels alien.

and sometimes the meadows feel like home and the furnace like a never ending prison.

Everyone at some point, has this fluctuation.

You go through all that you go through to rise through it and become something even more wiser than before. 

The refusal to change and act rigid is the process of denial. Snap out of it. You can’t escape the paths. 

Some of us are so cautious, that we plan every day of our lives. Mind you the inevitables and paths that you need to take work through a divine plan and will find a way over and above your plans. 

Call it fate, destiny, karma or God… For me it’s God.

Life is preplanned by God, but is an unknown present to us. The present where we breathe is NOW, unwrapping the gift, parts we love, parts we like, parts we hate, parts we deny. But all of it hidden, known and unknown; liked , loved or hated, or denied, is life. 

Accept what it is, for this will help you accept you. Rigidity to accept life tantrums will slower your process of being you. 
Have a good day.

#15 Her_thoughts

They said….

she was a mere bookworm on the sidewalk.

she couldn’t ever be a Cinderella in a play.

she could act like a man just fine in a live crib.

her duskiness, was a dismay.
I say…

She wasn’t meant to fit your lowest estimates.

She wasn’t a choice for you to make.

She was caramel, make no mistake,

sweet, rich, delightful and arrogant to venomous hissing snakes.

Her sidewalks, was where you stood criticising,

Her road, was a journey,

from what you doubted,

to what she had trouble accepting.

And that acceptance,

is love for herself,

withdrawn from your savage.

She wasn’t ever meant to fit in Ella’s shoes,

She was meant to hold her crown,

much higher than your cursed life cage

#leeevibes

.

.

_______________________
#takethat 

#lipstickundermyburkha

#lipstickrebellion

#loveself

Carpet of wrong turns.

Hidden carpet of wrong turns ,

take me to the skies,

lead me on , beyond the ways

I couldn’t pass by.

Hear me out, oh Wrong turns!

don’t make my life a lie,

I chose you over 

all that life offered without any spite.

You were so tempting and conniving

Oh Wrong turns!

I was Eve , you – the Serpent,

You bit me, you hissed,

even my tears I risked,

I lost a lot, Oh wrong turns !

Your carpet holds the dead remains,

you snatched away, you gnawed at me,

you left me brutally mundane,

I repent though, Oh carpet of wrong turns!

I repent not thinking wise,

but the lessons you gave,

you made me so brave,

I’m starting to believe, I can rise.

Flying through you , oh carpet of wrong turns !

I’m learning to live my life,

And so now when I choose the right,

I remember how you taught me

from wrongs how to reach out into the light,

So hidden carpet of wrong turns,

within me you reside,

take me over and above my fears,

help me build my might in this fight.

——————-

Choices that we think are wrong. Or have wronged us, in some way or the other, aren’t actually wrong .

There is something right in them. Look harder and someday you shall see what I meant.

I have learnt far more better certain amazing things about life deeply through my wrong turns. No , there wasn’t just once I was wrong, I’ve been wrong a great many times, but I’ve learnt something always and made sure to be wise.

But sometimes it’s not about being wise or practical or living how you are expected to, sometimes it’s about intuition, it’s about feeling something right in the moment, these situations may be right for that moment and wrong in all other, but that doesn’t mean , it’s wrong entirely. For the moment it was created, that choice you made was meant to be, whether wrong or right, everything is fated, it is bound to happen, one way or the other, whatever we choose to live with or depart from, essentially is a part of a much bigger beautiful plan by our God.

So dear there, don’t feel disheartened about being wrong, or choosing wrong , stop feeling disappointed, repent though, work hard to forgive yourself and seek forgiveness where needed, work harder to understand the depths of the lessons hidden in this carpet of wrong turns.

As humans it is pretty normal for us to fall prey to it, don’t be too hard on yourself though, 

learn to let go of this carpet when it’s time, 

learn to heal, 

learn to feel that things happen and life stops for no one. 

Move dear, move forward, 

move into the light that awaits , 

whether right or wrong, you will find a way. 

Stay hopeful. Stay blest.

Much love. 

Be alert. Save a life.

We really need to spread more awareness. Ensure kids and all others have someone they can confide in, seek advice from. There should be counseling done without the idea of making profit but saving lives. Let’s reach out to those struggling and help them know that they aren’t alone , facing such catastrophic battles that make them quit. It’s difficult to break the barriers of a complicated overthinking mind. But having compassion and kindness and being a motivator and not a critic will help us keep our sensitivity as humans intact. If not for the betterment of our fellow beings then simply out of humanitarian responsibility. Listen when its difficult to , when words are unspoken and be there for those you can be. -Leandra.

I came across this image on a facebook page : Knowledge factory. And felt the need to share.

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Realising what her soul needs.

Impending decisions

hurting her brain,

squeezing her heart,

shattered expectations,

endless rains,

ruining her fresh starts,

wishing and praying,

for ways unseen,

to know how to save 

what’s buried deep within ?

breaths so deep,

shudders of panic,

remorse and regrets,

hurting golden reflects,

slave of chosen thorns,

how to undo not being the hopeless pawn?

Conjure the courage,

hustle, you are brave,

hush the storms,

darling just salvage,

what screams for attention,

let it be sought,

for she is there amidst your wrongful retorts,

not lost, not broken, 

just awaiting,

for you to let the door be open,

and not leave her to rot.
_ L E A N D R A _

#leeevibes
#writersofinstagram #writersofinstagram

#writerden #writerdiaries

#writer #soulfood #soulpeace #write #wordporn #deeplove

#soullove #art #abstractart #abstractexpressionism #creativity #create #artistsoninstagram #poem

_____ _____ __________ ______

Before I dive in my write up… let’s read this convo between me and my talented artist friend.

Kim : Check this out . ( A canvas of brilliant work of art )

Me: ***Mesmerised. And sad.***

Makes me want to be an artist. For life.

Kim : I know right!

Me: I wish… I so damn wish  I could go back in time and change fate.

(Inner voice screaming darling it’s never too late.)

Kim : Sometimes even I wish the same but then I remember all that we chose before, brings us to be what we are today.

Me: True that. If I dint have regrets, I’d not have a blog, I’d never know what writing meant to me.

“”””sigh”””

Ok, (deep breath) … It’s not too late to be an artist. Weirdly even today morning I ordered more artistic stuff. Seems like we don’t need a qualification to create. We can do that anywhere, anytime, because being an artist is being born to be one, no one can make you that if you don’t have that passion, that fire.

Kim : Oh Yes True! It’s the best thing we can give back of all that we’ve been given…. the experiences and the choices!

Me: You know, you give me hope when I lose mine. Thanks.

Kim : Same here darling, You’ve always inspired me. . even though we’re like not close friends , it feels I’ve known you like always! .. Thank Youuu!

Me: (I know the feeling… its because our spirits are sisters… )

Thank you too …

Other than that convo, I kinda revealed to my best friend whom I’ve been avoiding for days, because of her super powers of reading me, that I am not happy.

This past month I’ve been home, each day gave me a glimpse of who I am, who I truly am.

A girl with a spirit of an artist, writer and love for music. Passionate and peace loving.

Even though she had the right brain to tackle the tough life she always wanted, or so she thought, somehow she had let her true self be buried, she chose her brain over her heart,

and for the past 3 years it’s been her constant battle. She knew she wasn’t happy, always frustrated and tired of the stressful life.

Even though she worked smoothly in her work life, she knew this was not what she would love to do for life. And that reasoning was something she kept running from.

How can she undo the damage done, 3 years too late to realise,

or has life indeed given her a chance?

How will she face the questions and the society and her family?

When she thinks of the impending decisions,

she wonders if choosing is even a choice.

 

Working with all your heart, brings solace , a profound happiness.

But can she choose that ?

As much as her friend told her to grow a thick skin and face her demons.

Is it worth the risk ?

To see everyone looking at you like a failure, to see the crestfallen gaze of her parents,

She fumbles with the thoughts of broken expectations,

and fears not knowing the answer to –

how will she make them proud again ?

will this be enough ?

Agitated writer’s grumbling.

This happens far too often.

How us writers end up bugging some friends so much that they kinda stop bother checking out your blogs, and in time, you just end up not sending them the links, because well you just realize it’s pointless.

Well, I am so not sorry to have bombarded my blog or IG a/c with numerous posts and updates , because me ?…I often get hit by a WRITERS BLOCK. And that time sometimes stretches for months and weeks and days. And it’s bad.

So each time there’s this flow of words and blissful flood of inspiration, it’s like an energy we got to tap, right there, right then, to produce something raw and remarkable, and forgive me if I do just that.

That’s usually how creative minds work. Don’t they ?

If there’s like this one day we get that whole halo of magical drive to write and sketch or paint or doodle or anything, then why the hell not do we not work on it.

Your irritation isn’t reason enough I stop my chance to enjoy moments of happiness.

Well , I did have some of you point it out and mock on my face, and that coming from people I count on, kinda made me realize maybe I put my faith in the wrong ones all this time.

It’s good to realize certain things and make changes , no one wants to invest too much where its so clearly unnecessary.

Damn right , I’m emotional and sensitive. But then again if I have been involved in your life, I am truthfully giving you my best self .

But sometimes I figure that’s not what some need. They need to see the different aspects you can be.

And in times when I choose my calm, and treasure my silence, in this solitude,

I’m finally fine without the many mocking voices to have called once my own people.

Bless you,

L E A N D R A.

#ramblingsofanagitatedwriter

#dontmesswithawriter

#shecanmakeyouthestory

#takethat

#tryingnottobeharsh #butmakingapoint

#writerden #writerdiaries #artistdiaries #artistden #illustrations #writersofinstagram #artistogram

How do you deal with jealousy and low self esteem ? #1 vid

Hi people,

this is my first time trying this.

For some it’s easier to talk than write.

For me it’s easier to write.

But I wanted to give it a shot.

Do share your opinions.

How do you deal with building your self-esteem? How do you not let jealousy , ego , pride, self pity take control of your life ?
(P.s. I’m kinda blabbering for the initial 2 mins … Just warning .)
I’m not holding any paper. This came right from my heart.

 

Incase you find trouble watching the video here , you can watch it on youtube also :

here’s the link:

Unhealthy obsession

I realized I really had an unhealthy obsession about my best friend.

I get over possessive and overly hurt when my mountain of hideous expectations fail me.

Very often we unknowingly let our lives revolve around such obsessions.

Whilts there is endless love and acceptance that I have found in her humble soul,

I cannot let myself obsess over it and expect the unthinkable.

I need to let loose of people, of people I love. 

I cannot cling on to them, because that is unhealthy and toxic.

I need to learn to understand what it is to stand alone and on my own and accept myself at that value .

It’s tough to realise the vicious cycle that I weaved around me, its a trap, and when I finally see the clarity , it really feels like a break up.

Whilst I need to undo the damage and pain  I am self inflicting on me, I need to figure how things and my life should be, I need more clarity on making God my first priority and then me .

Sometimes you just realise things very late.

But when you do, you just need to change what is, what was and make something better out of it.

Break out of unhealthiness and unhappiness and march into contentment and self joy.

It is not selfish of me to decide to change so as to hold myself together.

It is not selfish of me to stop over investing and over prioritizing people who’s lives dont really revolve around mine, which I had an illusion about, because mine did revolve around them. And believe me when the clarity sunk in, it hurt, it hurt real bad.

Whilst they have their lives together, and a plan ahead, I need to work on mine, get my deteriorating life balanced and stable.

I am not a negative person, and I don’t hate them. They are still and will always be the people I love.

But henceforth they shall be people I love and not obsess about.

It’s quite  a challenge but With God I can do this.

Dear Lord,

Today I come to You, with all the bondages and obsessions and addictions that I have tied and weaved my life around.

I know and see and feel how they are slowly degrading me and making me lose myself in a pit of self torture and lamentations.

I come to You, so You may lead me on, help me find my lost way, and make me whole ,  restored and renewed.

Help me Lord that I may seek You and make You my life’s centre. Help me remain united in Your Spirit.

Fill me with Your grace, and rejuvenate my dying self with Your eternal love.

For with You alone , I have no disappointments, no hurt, no distractions, no addictions, no pain , no misery.

For with You, I know I will find myself with what’s left of me. 

For with You, I shall be victorious.

In the Most Holy , Precious and powerful name of my Lord Jesus Christ.

AMEN.

The Unknown

Ever felt being lost in a whirlwind of emotions? Being swept away by storms? Feeling this void deep within? Feeling this INDESCRIBABLE emotion whilst letting go of almost everything? This feeling of uncertainty.. the feeling of standing raw and ripped and bared to the flames of the unknown.

THE UNKNOWN .. what is it? How is it? It creates anxiety.. It creates expectations.. It creates hopefulness and also doubts..

The void brings out an outburst of welcomed and most unwelcomed of all emotions. The mixture of positivity and negativity. And all your left with is to wonder which one shall reign?

I’m in a dilemma.. trying to figure out which battlefield I’m standing on? what am I fighting against? What is all this about?

Its like your suddenly whacked and thrown off your pendulum. You lose your balance and you just keep falling without a landing. And whilst you fall , there’s this torturous wait to know the unknown, to face fears, to realize there’s no choice available here.

Sometimes its beyond our understanding to figure out the deep underlying meaning beneath all the hazy- crazy- messy life.

There are those tough rough hard times where you need to wear a cloak of pretense and show the world that you’re “perfectly fine, not afraid, not confused, not falling apart.” But more than the world, these are the times when you pretend the most with your own-self. You pretend so much and get so habituated that there comes a time when the cloak will become a crucial part of you and no longer be used as a prop.

These are the times when once you’re hit by a ton of bricks, you get all so pessimistic that there’s more of this… Et voila.. there it is , the walls collapsing on you, doors closing on you. The life you created suddenly- just like the sand is gnawed by the waves of the sea- just rips apart. When you get all negative, there’s no limit to what extent of negativity you can reach that can pull you off the cliff you hang on, and take you drowning deep into the unwelcomed ocean of pessimism. And all that happens whilst your trapped in there, is more because of this parasite in your mind , body and soul. The parasite that flicks off any small spark of positivity or hope or courage or anything that could help you out. It makes you believe there’s no way out, when there is. It makes you accept that you cannot break free through the walls threatening and looming over you. You feel diminished by absolute negativity that you begin to see in almost everything. And you begin to accept that this is how it should be and you are fine. Well! You are NOT.

You are thrown out your comfy zone. Now … now.. this is yet another trial.. And you need to use the correct switches available to break out the cuffs and chains that stagnate your growth, that lead you not to positivity.

It’s a matter of choices we need to make. And sometimes we need to be harsher than the harsh. We need to PUSH when being pulled with equal force. We need to realise that the leech or the parasite can be crushed.

Life gives us a fair amount of choices and options. Most that it offers always comes with a switch that we can use to our likings. But many a times we choose to be purposefully unaware. But there are the other  times when you’re not given a choice but there’s something else working for you- unfavourable yet in favour of you- not so likeable yet what is best for you. You can call it any name you want- “Karma”.. “Fate”.. “Destiny” .. “Universe and its energy” … “GOD”..

So long you accept that there’s some energy around you fiddling with your life, that it helps you fix the puzzle or throws at you yet another one. You’ll be able to vaguely see and imagine a bigger picture of what all this is leading you to. It’s a step at a time. Small bits falling together.

Where’s the beauty if life had to be comfy and cozy and nicy-dicy all the time? Where’s the exhilarating adventure without another turn, twist or a toss?

Where’s the fun without fears , provocation, storms and THE UNKNOWN?

The unknown is better. Knowing everything wouldn’t help us in anyway. Not knowing helps us to master the art to KNOW.

The unknown is filled with blessons (blessings & lessons). Enjoy the ride with all the topsy turvy roads at your disposal.

Again I’d repeat …. “YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE, Not the other way round. Yes , there is the inevitable, But the evitable will be based on the choices you make,”

Sometimes it’s all like MAKE-BELIEVE. There’s no other artist who will paint your life best for you. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE UNIQUE ARTIST OF YOUR OWN . PAINT IT. LIVE IT . LOVE IT.

THERE IS A CHOICE even when you believe there isn’t. Find it.