Tag Archives: her thoughts

I welcome you…

I welcome you ;
the good , the bad,
the nasty , the sad,
the disappointing, the revealing,
the expected, the unknown,
the peaceful, the envious,
the misfortunes, the glorious,
the lessons, the blessings,
the falls, the climbs,
the moments, the memories,
the gut wrenching pain, the freedom from letting go,
the venom hissed, the healing words,
the spite, the hugs,
the hurt, the love,
the cold, the warmth,
the luxury, the necessities,
the old me, the new me,
the family, the friends,
the betrayals, the loyalty,
the kindness, the arrogance,
the small things, the finer details,
the vivid colours, the rough edges,
the death in life and the life in death.
I welcome you all.
Thank you for making my life dazzle me on.
Grateful. Extremely truly grateful..

-Leandra Rodrigues.

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#17 Her thoughts

Anxiety is that negative swirl of emotions that consumes you when you overthink and panic and feel that control has slipped through your grasps.

It’s more of a brain issue than of heart.

Your life is also your baby, you need to tend to it, tantrums and all, you need to feed it good, and nurture and harness it. Do well with what you hold, because what you do hold is dear life.

Someday I hope I’m even more well versed with human psychology and science of understanding emotions, thoughts and the process of reaching mindfulness.
I hope I can depart more of wondrous words and art , before I do depart;
It’s a long term goal.
Because being a writer and artist by heart, was never a choice, it is what chose me, it is Me.

But being anything else professionally will be something I choose, and I hope I’m able to decide on that route well , no matter how late or early.

#16 Her_thoughts 

​Shush now..

There’s too much noise,

In my head

Or is it your voice?


Wait! who are you ?

I asked the space 

around my fingers 

that stared ahead,

greeted with silence yet again,

But somehow 

this time felt like 

I’m home 

peaceful sans  pain. 

-Leandra .R.

#letsthrive 

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#leeevibes

Desolation.

She craved silence,

and when she had it,

it killed her even more,

it was even louder, more tormenting.

Eventually she grew enough resilience,

to fight it,

but her wounds always kept her sore,

anxiety knocking off the ways she was surviving.

She tried to hush the voices,

trapping her , cracking her,

she tried to stitch all the reopenings,

but the more she fought to keep it all together,

the  more life was conniving.

She was losing a lost battle,

how much longer could she her demons be bribing ?

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Realising what her soul needs.

Impending decisions

hurting her brain,

squeezing her heart,

shattered expectations,

endless rains,

ruining her fresh starts,

wishing and praying,

for ways unseen,

to know how to save 

what’s buried deep within ?

breaths so deep,

shudders of panic,

remorse and regrets,

hurting golden reflects,

slave of chosen thorns,

how to undo not being the hopeless pawn?

Conjure the courage,

hustle, you are brave,

hush the storms,

darling just salvage,

what screams for attention,

let it be sought,

for she is there amidst your wrongful retorts,

not lost, not broken, 

just awaiting,

for you to let the door be open,

and not leave her to rot.
_ L E A N D R A _

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Before I dive in my write up… let’s read this convo between me and my talented artist friend.

Kim : Check this out . ( A canvas of brilliant work of art )

Me: ***Mesmerised. And sad.***

Makes me want to be an artist. For life.

Kim : I know right!

Me: I wish… I so damn wish  I could go back in time and change fate.

(Inner voice screaming darling it’s never too late.)

Kim : Sometimes even I wish the same but then I remember all that we chose before, brings us to be what we are today.

Me: True that. If I dint have regrets, I’d not have a blog, I’d never know what writing meant to me.

“”””sigh”””

Ok, (deep breath) … It’s not too late to be an artist. Weirdly even today morning I ordered more artistic stuff. Seems like we don’t need a qualification to create. We can do that anywhere, anytime, because being an artist is being born to be one, no one can make you that if you don’t have that passion, that fire.

Kim : Oh Yes True! It’s the best thing we can give back of all that we’ve been given…. the experiences and the choices!

Me: You know, you give me hope when I lose mine. Thanks.

Kim : Same here darling, You’ve always inspired me. . even though we’re like not close friends , it feels I’ve known you like always! .. Thank Youuu!

Me: (I know the feeling… its because our spirits are sisters… )

Thank you too …

Other than that convo, I kinda revealed to my best friend whom I’ve been avoiding for days, because of her super powers of reading me, that I am not happy.

This past month I’ve been home, each day gave me a glimpse of who I am, who I truly am.

A girl with a spirit of an artist, writer and love for music. Passionate and peace loving.

Even though she had the right brain to tackle the tough life she always wanted, or so she thought, somehow she had let her true self be buried, she chose her brain over her heart,

and for the past 3 years it’s been her constant battle. She knew she wasn’t happy, always frustrated and tired of the stressful life.

Even though she worked smoothly in her work life, she knew this was not what she would love to do for life. And that reasoning was something she kept running from.

How can she undo the damage done, 3 years too late to realise,

or has life indeed given her a chance?

How will she face the questions and the society and her family?

When she thinks of the impending decisions,

she wonders if choosing is even a choice.

 

Working with all your heart, brings solace , a profound happiness.

But can she choose that ?

As much as her friend told her to grow a thick skin and face her demons.

Is it worth the risk ?

To see everyone looking at you like a failure, to see the crestfallen gaze of her parents,

She fumbles with the thoughts of broken expectations,

and fears not knowing the answer to –

how will she make them proud again ?

will this be enough ?

Dear Me

Dear Me ,

Be of small words, but bigger goals.

Be humble of spirit, so at the top you shall stand mighty and bold.

Be Kind, so you spread your warmth wherever you go,

Be generous whilst giving, even if only a smile, let it reach out to those love hungry souls.

Be grateful, now and always, so at all times you remember you have more than enough.

Be resilient, it is the power to conquer your fears.

Because when you hear hurtful words,

you know the pain they cause ,

and when you see a broken spirit,

you can also see yours and so you know the time it takes to not feel distraught.

When you are treated unkindly,

you know the world out there is dangerously cold, lacking empathy.

Because you know the disappointment of not receiving smiles in a day,

One less, creates a disturbing void.

jy

Because you know that when the heart loves freely it holds nothing back,

so not receiving enough love makes you wonder , “what it is that you lack? ”

Because if you never pause, be glad and feel thankful,

you will still be the human clinging to unhealthy remorse.

If you let your desires and greed overpower you,

who will for you intercede?

Remember:

Life is not the world or what the world gives,

but rather it is you and what your soul reaps. 

Much love,

L E A N D R A .

 

 

Sun kissed

​And when the Sun kissed her in the shadows,

All the darkness faded into a smile,

It was like butterflies dancing in her moonlight.


And when the Sun kissed her ruffled hair, 

She seemed to not care 

of the depth she was drowning in,

because as the light hit her in her nothingness,

she felt the promise of peace and serene.


_ L E A N D R A _
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