Tag Archives: challenges

#4 Finding Me



Mindlessly wandering in the wilderness,

Where her soul finds its peace.


Each step forward was tough,

But it liberated her imprisoned spirit.


What once she thought was a lost battle,

Was the very beginning of a comeback they never wished.


She wasn’t ever meant to fit in,

Why bother taming her flaming wings ?


And in her heart she knows now what’s right,

Yet she chooses the choices of her upbringing.


Blame it on how they raised her,

The lioness wearing the heavy robe of goodness.


If she could unleash the beast within,

Wouldn’t it be amusing to see the world writhing ?


But that is for a day in the unknown,

For now she’s keen on calming her mourns ,

She is adamant to rekindle what’s torn. 

She has never lost a battle,

She hasn’t given up , she never settles .


What awaits is an unfolding blessing,

For now is the present she is still unwrapping.


_ L E A N D R A _


My journey with words always fascinates me. This person who writes, is the me that sets herself free.


#Muchlove #justbeingLeandra #leandraisalioness #alwaysalionheart #writers #writersofinstagram #writersden

Sailing through the Storms!

” What does it profit a man to gain the whole wide world , but suffer the loss of his soul ?” Luke 9:25

I’ve been pondering on these lines for quite a while now.

How indeed is it proper ?

To be beautiful , but have an envious heart?

To be smart , but unkind and overly proud?

To be understanding , but only to a few?

To love, but conditions apply?

To give , but to want in return?

To make-believe that you are good , but beneath the facade lies a monster?

To hesitate with generosity,

To be clever, but not wise?

To grow into something more, wanting more, because less does not suffice anymore?

To hope, but have doubts?

To smile, whilst having a weary soul?

To dream, but not strive to achieve them?

To expect , but not do?

To cry and want a shoulder, but never wipe anyone’s tears?

To let go, but not forgive?

To be happy , but not fight your storms?

To be rich, but have a poor spirit?

To be nice to the world, but disobey one’s own parents?

To want a crown of glory , but not the responsibility?

To wish to be a child again, but not grow into an example for your child to follow?

 

How indeed it would feel to have all my wants and desires fulfilled? to never have pain? Never walk through storms? Never  meet trying people? Never see through the masks of many?

How would it feel to never know what feeling sad, depressed, demotivated is like? To have  low self-esteem,  to feel weary, dull and exhausted? To want to keep to oneself and stay away from bitter and good people? How would it feel to not know how to appreciate these storms of life? To not know the power of overcoming the hurdles? To not know what it really takes to become strong? To not know our limits of acceptance and patience whilst we are being shaped in the furnace? To not melt down into a puddle but be shaped into a stronger vessel?

How would it feel to not know the worth of sweating and every penny we earn? To not know that giving away something always and always fetches you silent blessings and smiles worth any treasure in the world?

Without the anxiety and sadness would you still know what happiness meant?

Would you  appreciate the growth in yourself after a deep struggle? Would you know the wisdom a storm delivers you that no book can teach you or warn you about?

Through depression, would you  have really understood how a small word of appreciation, motivation, a mere push or a smile could actually work wonders?

Sometimes it is through experience that we learn the greatest lessons of life. Some which your parents and elders warned you about , but you turned deaf. It is only when it so happens to us, that we begin to understand the complexities and simpleness of every life situation.

 

“I believe in you; and I want you to believe in yourself.

You indeed LIVE ONLY ONCE. So revive your drooping spirit,

Make truckloads of memories, fight and be victorious through storms.

Do not seek to gain wealth and the treasures of the world, but seek that- that would nourish your soul.

Be kind and kindness will follow you everywhere.

Motivate and appreciate and respect people, and you will have followers.

Be generous and you shall receive a bounty of blessings.

Be good, because the world needs  goodness.

PEOPLE ARE NOT BAD, THEY ARE WEAK. It is WEAKNESS that makes us  NEGATIVE.

We always have a choice to either be strong or weak. Choose wisely.

Be sensitive, so you remain human.

If you want success, never be ruthless ( now hey! You don’t want your spirit tarnished and no curses right?)

Success needs no competition, no crown of glory; it is a feeling of fulfilment that you have indeed achieved and that’s just it, not at the cost of jeopardising others.

Success should not make you greedy, just like rich people wanting to get richer. Sometimes you have to learn to remember when it is enough. To be happy with what you have.

Tell me- where will you take it all? Into your grave? For your future generations? WHY  ?? Do you really believe that they are incapable of sustaining themselves? Or do you never want them to taste all flavours of life and let them decide what they prefer? Stop making your generations lazy.

Do give your children more of that- that would help them face storms, to be strong, and support them whilst they go after their dreams- no matter how lame you think they are, they hold value in their vision. Even if they do mistakes ,help them grow through them.

If there’s anyone who tells me that they are the same person they were a decade back, all I can say  is that “ Dear , I feel sorry that you haven’t grown through the decade, because if  you would have, you would never be the same person- you would be either 10 times better or worse.”

Sometimes you gotta listen to your instincts. Take a leap, if that’s what its telling you.

No matter how deep your fear or downfall, you will lend somewhere, and gradually you will learn to rise above all.

You definitely need to plan and methodise your life. But sir! Don’t restrict yourself to your schedule so much that you forget to live life. Don’t be a workaholic, that your family would have to beg for a time slot .

Work hard, be efficient , become indispensable; BUT try not to get stuck in one place. Indulge in variety of tasks and you will learn to savour the flavours of success. Learning is indeed a beautiful process that adds to your intellect and knowledge. But it is only the storms and trials of life that will help you gain wisdom and stand tall  in jubilation after the battles.

“Life is a journey from one port to another, my ship won’t harbour in one place for too long. Because I need to set sail, move forward, navigate through different routes, prepare for storms sudden and unsudden, keep my mind calm in the most abnormal hours, experience the tides of life. And if my ship ever sinks, I need to learn to swim and surf through the mighty waves until my spirit says otherwise.”

“ My life is a journey to restore my soul.”

 

 

Brain and Heart talk

Brain: hey,  weren’t you supposed to study today?
Heart: yes. But I hadto go. And now I feel bad. I wasted another day. Didn’t I?
Brain: hmmm that depends. Tell me – what did you do with the day?
Heart:lots!! I laughed and smiled. Walked around. Breathed in some fresh air. Snapped away moments. Shopped with my family. Sang. Went to church. Bought some things. Strolled around making my feet ache.
Brain: great! Now tell me,did you once feel bad while you were engrossed with what u said you were doing that you didn’t do what you were supposed to do today?
Heart: not once. If I think of it now.
Brain:You have your answer. You didn’t waste your day.
Heart:Yes. Thanks. I LIVED IT.

Don’t live life eveyday like its a stress-storming episode all the time, like tomorrow is another exam.
It’s not worth it.
What if it ends tomorrow?
What if now my life ends? I die!
Have I really lived?
In the end, Job karke pet hi toh barna hai na (we haveto work somewhere and fetch our daily bread only right)? Itna stress, I dont think is worth it.

But in it all we never have to let go of our dreams.

Seriousness is required. But without compromising with  LIVING LIFE.

It shouldn’t cost us illness, negativity and loss and fear and everything that diminishes us.
To be frank, I don’t really need a CA tag to make my family proud of me..they wont love me less if things dont work out..
At the same time.., I wont be happy being careless..
I will try my best untill I wear out.
But despite of my trying, things don’t work out then I wont push my luck and cry in frustration.
I’ll write another chapter of my life.
I have detached from all.
I expect less.

But I do expect one thing- “Axe in my back.”
Working with probabilities is not always fun but it’s better than working with plans that don’t really work out.

Things happen and they dont..
They take time..&  patience runs out and blah!
But I just know, In the end I’ll have
EXPERIENCE!!!
Not loss.. Not failure..
Not negativity.. !!
Just another step into something different.

Life is not running after one thing. .  One love..  One time stuff.. One type routine. One typical look.

I would never want my life to be like a “one time watch boring movie.”

I would rather want it to be more of a mix match awsome stuff that can go on and on without boredom being a part of it.

Look at the world, there’s a hell lot out there…
Adventures,  life,  nature,  I wish to explore and to see more.
Hell!! I have more dreams than I can write about…
I would wanto go out into d world.. See more of it.. Snap it..Try extraordinary stuff.
How about skyscrapping? Surfing? Canoeing? Gyming? River rafting?Mountain climbing?
Adventures!!!!!!!
I want to do stuff that I’ve never done before.

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

I’ve heard many say, “become CA and then earn and then enjoy. “”
Seriously..??
If I dont become one.. How can they imply I wont earn and enjoy life? How can they predict my future?
They aren’t God.  They are human. So am I.

I will go out there into the world, and do my own mistakes,  learn from them and move on. I just got to  do it all on my own. I need to taste through my mouth,  not base my decisions on what my life tastes on their tongues. I have a right to be wrong, and to righten my wrongs. I have a right to make my mistakes and grow from them and I have an obligation to feel blest with what I have,  it’s so much more than many of us strive for. I am grateful.

Just recently, I’ve been listening to people and mentally punching them, know why?
One is because of the above.
And secondly :
When I was small ” these people would say -“your tooo skinny.”””
And now every time I meet them, “you’ve put on!””

Seriously??
I give them my polite replies,  nevertheless
My mind screams “seriously NUTCASE, do you think I wont know what’s happened to me? And if it’s my problem then why do you find joy in pasting it on my forehead with your filthy words? ”

Age old society habbit “stigmatising “””
Get over it people.

If you can’t be nice and talk positive and say good things.
Then just shut the hell up.
No one in the world,  likes their flaws being rubbed on their face. So cut the crap.
Be nice. Or be quiet.
Choose one.
No one needs your advice and opinion if all you can do is make others feel bad, and demotivated.
I know we are in the world of “dont give a damn attitude ”
But seriously it doesn’t work all ways.
We dont have that attitude with people we tag as our own. But the moment the “our own” do things like that, they ask for this.. “they just become people permanently not our own.””
Get that straight.

Now dear heart and brain, let’s vamos.

The mighty pause

DEAR  ME,

It’s been a very long time indeed. I haven’t been myself in this period- I’ll refer to as “the pause of my life.”

It had been a Philippians-4-6-7whirlpool of riotic feelings and pessimistic visions for as long as it lasted.

I am truly glad it’s over. The most difficult time in it all was for me to realise and accept that I had the key to shut it all once and for good. But I took my own time drilling me into an ocean of  desolation and grumpiness.

I took time feeling unworthy, shattered, lost, Carl-Jung-Quote-Even-a-happy-life-cannotand seeing failures and dark pits at every horizon.

They kept telling me ” this ain’t you, wake up. I learnt to be brave from you. I learnt to accept change from you. I learnt to be optimistic from you.  You can’t be this negative. Stop inflicting self pity and torture.”

The words rang deep. But all I felt was hollow. It felt unreal, did I really mean all that? Did I really be someone who I am not now? How did I change? How do I change back? Where do I find the key I misplaced?

Questions and questions.. Never ending ordeal of pessimistic notions.

quotes-keeping-faith-anne-lamott-600x411

So many “Cannots, may nots, Will not, have not, not enough,…. ”

Oh! God save me, It felt like someone was ripping my soul before me to shreds and I stood there dumb, shakened, absorbed in the ruthless moment of misery.

It felt like someone inside me wanted to scream but I just couldn’t break free. I didn’t know how, nor when, nor what.

face-your-own-shaddow-quote-picture-good-life-quotes-pics-600x495It’s just a moment that was all that I needed to snap out of this nightmare.

What a horrifying nightmare indeed!

There’s alot this pause taught me.

Analysing the situation. Analysing my life, me.

Accepting that I can control  the thoughts that  govern my life.  That I will see the good in the bad. That I will be an optimist in the most undesired life situations. That I can go beyond this phase of negativity and lunge into the heaven of good positive vibes.

Things that we lose are things that we dont deserve. Things that we get are beautiful blessons ( blessings+ lessons).

13027247Sometimes it is so difficult to forgive, when you are not asked to forgive. Sometimes it’s so difficult to forget what you forgive. And Sometimes it is so difficult to accept the wrongs you’ve done and to move on. Yet in time, we do it all naturally. Do not force yourself, what has to happen will find a way gradually.

Life never promised that the canvas would remain colourless. When there are colours of warmt and liveliness, everyone feels the joy, but when the canvas gets splayed with dark spots, not everyone is able to appreciate the hidden beauty in it.

Not everyone is able to see the better picture before us.

It takes time to see through what we don’t want to see.

It takes time to accept what we are not ready to.

And it takes time to appreciate what we accept.

There’s a hell lot of difference when we say, we forgive from our heart and keep no grudges, no regrets, no remorse, no crudeness, no hatred. The question is what or whom do we forgive?

The deed and the person are two differentiable things.

When you forgive the deed, you have forgiven the person. You have forgiven yourself. And so to rest you have laid your negative emotions. You have compassion towards you and your fellow beings. You won’t run or escape or ignore what is so tangible and before your eyes. You can face anything, when you have the peace within. This peace gives strength, hope, faith and courage to be more resilient and more welcoming to the endless difficult phases of life.

And when you forgive the person without forgiving the deed. You will never be at peace. You will never be able to be compassionate with yourself.

To reach out to your soul, you need to be at peace- peace that stills away all that is unbalanced and let’s you walk through the doorway to meet your own-inner-self. Only then you feel relaxed and calm.

You need to succumb to no evil pressures but to God ( any Positive source of energy) alone.

You need to be in oneness, with the image of your soul. Only through compassion you can see the reflection of your soul in the acts of your human form.

(what I meant by “Deed” : Deed is that act or moment or notion that you find unforgivable, or that disturbs you internally, or makes you lose your sense of judging reality)

“TAKE IT EASY, BUT DON’T TAKE IT LIGHT.” – these words my brother said to me will always be with me.

Negativity of your thoughts and people takes us nowhere but into worse negative situations..

But positivity will take us a long way, its a slow but the best antidote for a long term life gain..

I failed in my efforts to get my goal, the goal I always wanted. But now because of this pause I am suddenly not so sure, if it still is what I want. I will take my time to find a way in or a way out.

But for the time that I lost, I can’t use the time that I have in wailing and sniffing about it. I need to restucture my way of life, so I know That I will never have to worry about unstable roots again. I need to focus on growing and learning to bloom in spring, to provide shade in summer, to give warmth every winter, to reach out to the sun, to be a shelter to those in need, to absorb the negativity around and give away positive vibes, to plant a tree of hope and self-reliance in everyone who walks by me.

I need to never forget to be ever so grateful, for the arms that reached out to me, the smiles that encouraged me, the love that helped me out a mess I created. Thank you.

And the best thing that the pause gave me is the experience of God. That he never forsakes. That it’s okay to fall, but it’s not okay  to not try to rise after the fall. That I am His Child, born to be victorious. And I have a spirit of life and peace that sets me free from all bondages of evil, sin and darkness.

And here I am resurfacing  from the depths of the unwanted sea of pessimism.

I am the writer of my life, and I will write it till the end.

I will change the course of my ship, when I have to, even if I’m not ready.

I will enjoy the nasty jerks and mild swings of every tide.

I will build my life into something that I will always love.

And I will appreciate the fact that at all times I HAVE ENOUGH.

I will live a life of gratitude.

That’s how I want my Canvas…

And when I see it turning grey,

I look around for brighter shades,

Not soon I find the red I want,

But I keep searching , not wanting the black to haunt.

 

As soon as I find the colour pots,

I want them all to mess the grey spots,

Hide the black, fill all gaps,

Re-design my life map.

 

Oh Canvas! Oh Canvas! I want you all bright.

But if you’d show me my life,

Shouldn’t you be alike?

 

And thus, I add back the grey,

and alil of black,

And there’s my canvas

with all colours intack.

 Life-Is-A-Great-Big-Canvas

Take a step ahead.

Before you start I don’t have this and that.

Your tomorrow will never come.. You need to Stop complaining.. Stop looking for what is less and more and this and that..Stop thinking so much..
Just do it..

PAINT YOUR CANVAS JUST THE WAY YOU LOVE IT BEST.

… Remember you can’t buy the time that goes by..
Do something with your passion..

Create your opportunities rather than waiting for things to come your way or happen the way you want..

WAITING is wrong.. Your talent and capabilities are your weapon.

Be wise and use it.

Inspiration is a feeling that drives you to be a happy satisfied being.

We all need it. It adds friction or should I say fluidity to our movements in life.

Life needs to be lived in an artistic way. Live in the colours, flow in your passion, strike out and design and keep redesigning till you see the picture your mind weaves.

Our palettes are always so full, yet we complain for shades we desire not once giving a thought to what is there is actually what we deserve. We let it dry. And then we wail.

Why?

Why is it tough to appreciate what is around us, in us and within our reach?

We know we shouldn’t be looking at shut doors but we still fail to see the doors that are open and slowly closing without our knowledge.

We know what is right and what is wrong.

We know it. But the problem is WE DON’T ACT. We don’t take a step. We are too damn busy trying to figure out the meaning of our neighbour’s canvas rather than glancing at our own.

No-one will solve your problems for you. Not even GOD. Because you are given them, to learn, to grow, to embrace your fears, to become more than what you are.

Accept your palette and paint your life. Sketch it, imagine it, feel it, dream it, and finally just get yourself together and throw your colours across. Design and keep redesigning your life canvas.

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Small things I feel that can give peace:

  • Don’t be a critic. But be an appreciator.
  • Don’t be proud. But be humble.
  • Don’t ask questions. But be an answer to the unanswered.
  • Don’t feel accomplished. But be hungry to grow above everything.
  • Don’t quit. Every end is a new beginning.
  • Don’t feel sorry. But learn to never repeat a mistake.
  • Don’t hesitate. But speak politely.
  • Don’t just hear. Listen.
  • Don’t expect. But be cautious.
  • Don’t imprison yourself. But always find a way to set free.
  • Don’t command obedience. But ignite the flame of inspiration.

I can go on. But the ultimate key to peace is GOD– the other name for Eternal love.

HE can help you design the most exquisite canvas.

WITIWIB

There’s this concept or mantra I learn’t from my boss.. Of being a WYSIWYG person “WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET”... Surely in some of my write-ups you’ll know that I’m more a person dwelling on thoughts and feelings..

So for me its my own concept along the similar lines .. Let me say..

WITIWIB

  I’m more a WITIWIB person..i.e; I believe:  “WHAT I THINK IS WHAT I BECOME.”

Hadn’t I come across WYSIWYG I’d not have identified me as a WITIWIB.

What is WITIWIB?

Since its something I conclude my personality as. Let me get a little theoretical.

The basic principle I’ve come to believe on my journey and all through my experience, so far, is that

“I AM THE PRODUCT OF MY THOUGHTS.”

I reflect on the past and realize that it is the energy of my thoughts that have helped or pushed me through all the situations that they have attracted.

Yes, ironical but true. Every thought releases some energy in the universe, let me be precise and say rather ‘around me’.

And these thoughts govern my life.

So the quality of my thoughts will be portrayed in the quality of my life.

If I’m optimistic, patient and a girl in her goody-two shoes, okay maybe not all the time! Then it’s fair enough my life is pretty comfortable.

If I’m a pessimist, indulging in self torture, bad stuff and everything in that pot, then complaining that my life’s unfair ? Is it even my right??

Everyone has their own mantras in life. We just need to discover which one suits us. I just found mine and honestly, it works best for me. What about you?

Introspect yourself. Listen to some optimistic experienced personalities. They have something to give you, teach you, every step along the way.

We learn so much, at every stage. It’s more of becoming human than being human.

It’s finding what helps you grow better, faster and also knowing what stagnates your growth.

As we learn and unlearn, we keep growing to becoming better and there’s this understanding that only experience can offer and no book can, sometimes.

So I’ll be trying to be a better WITIWIB, accepting and adapting and growing optimistic.

As it suggests- “WIT” – I think we possess a brain that can differentiate between positive and negative thoughts and also witty and unproductive or say abusive thoughts. What are you like? Have you thought about it?

WITIWIB can go a long way, framing your personality. Boosting your confidence and helping you challenge your being to strive to better yourself from every perspective.

So, finally it’s you making a choice.

Great you think, Great you become.

Good you think, Good you become.

Holy you think, Holy you become.

Evil you think, Evil you become.

Out of the box you think, And you’re definitely NOT TO SIT IN ONE.

Positive you think, An Optimist you become.

It all sums up to the very roots of being a WITIWIB:

WHAT YOU THINK, IS WHAT YOU BECOME.

So Choose to THINK extraordinary, raise your thoughts to an unbiased level, and control their direction.

Because if you want to become something, Then YOU DEFINITELY need to decide the train of your thoughts.

Use your Witty thoughts… weave your personality.

The FOUR Ps.

– PURPOSE– PASSION – PERSEVERANCE – PATIENCE–

To walk down a road, we need to know the destination. What is it that the road we choose may lead us to?

Finding the meaning of your breath , of why you’re even alive! That’s purpose.

We aren’t totally aware of this purpose at any point of time in our entire life. Sometimes it’s as vivid as the day, sometimes it’s as dark and blurry as the night.

There’s got to be something that evokes in us a PASSION .i.e; completely undefined, something that drives us crazy enough to face all storm-winds to reach right there where we feel complete, where one purpose ends and another begins.

All we need is a small push. A channel that leads us step by step, road by road, closer and nearer to a finer purpose to live life.

Name it what you want…. goal, dream, aim, target, object, destination… anything at all. It all sums up to one thing “PURPOSE”.

A purpose that ignites the flame of passion to achieve through perseverance is what we all sought in life.

Purpose can be anything, be it small or big, upon fulfilment it gives us the same thing- satisfaction. It only grows stronger with every step we take in life. It becomes clearer as we start to understand life. It’s a growing hunger to live up-to what we are capable of.

Patience – the power of endurance. The key to be persistent enough to reach the pinnacle of our very existence.

Inside us lies a burning desire that can be kept hidden for years but one can never forget.

Everyone has at least once questioned “what purpose have I come to serve through this gift of life?”

And one of the many answers would be :

Purpose to live will never be self-destruction. And by choosing evil we do nothing else but that. And by evil I mean everything. Be it anger, hatred, violence, vices, utterance of foul words, inflicting hurt, falling prey to temptations, being judgmental, greedy, selfish, lamenting, complaining, blaming, …….and so forth.

When you open your eyes, and watch the world, observe the pain etched in every face.

There should be a part of you that wants to reach out.

To spread one smile everyday , to do good where good can be done, to leave the bad when your purpose has just begun.

To know that the climb will be painful, and you will fall no matter how much you try to be cautious. To become stronger and determined to persevere.

To believe in oneself and be persistent to fulfill the purpose.

To be passionate about the journey and foresee the hurdles and be prepared.

Life is an adventure. It’s not a jolly ride always. There are gonna be moments when you’ll hang upside down or you’ll be throw for a toss. Play you best move.

And never forget the purpose,

your inner strength- the passion,

your armour – perseverance and persistence,

your sword – patience.