Tag Archives: Hope

Dear Future Husband #7

Hey love,

This will be my endless wishes when it comes to you.

I just want you to stand beside me,

holding my hand so proudly,

I just want to sing through the darkest nights,

knowing you’re right by my side.


I just want your arms to lead me on,

your brave chest for me to lean on,

I want you to be with me for the rest of my life ,

smiling forever knowing you’re mine.


And here as now I stand under this enormous sky,

missing you more daily, that’s not a lie,

awaiting for you makes my heart cry,

I’m dying daily you’ll never know why,

All that you ought to know is,

thinking of you, My love, my days pass by.


I wish you were here, sitting beside me,

staring at me, so I could loose myself into your stunning eyes,

I wish I could know, what you might feel about me,

a “No” from you will kill me alright!

I just wish I could know for sure you will be mine,

I just pray for you day and night.

……
Thinking about you, knowing that you are out there somewhere  caught up with your life, hoping that you too are praying for me like I am for you. And waiting for God to lead us to each other. I am waiting for our story to begin.
Ironic, that I haven’t met you as yet, and I am missing this notion of your presence around already.
Take care love,

Your’s in God’s time ,

Your future Wife.

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Dear Future Husband #6

Heyyyy honeyyyy,

today I’m  happy, for no reason,…

so I have a poem for you….
Walk with me ,

because only when you do,

You’ll know I’m your sunshine 

for the darkest days,

and your joy on the brightest.


Walk with me,

Because sometimes I’m the fire you need to feel fuzzy,

because I’m the twinkling sparkle in the crazy valley.


Walk with me,

because even when I’m gloomy,

You’ll have the best to read,

& while I write, you could watch me in my groove,

and a tadbit of jazz will help lift my spirits.


So Honey just walk me,

because when Im chirpy,

I will make you dance,

and sing crazy,

I’ll write u all the letters when I whine,

and you could tease me as we dine.


Just walk with me


Your’s in God’s time ,

Your love forever.

. … L e a n d r a … .

Someday for you #DFH .
#sigh #summerfeels #colourfulvibes #poetically_yours #poeticmode #poems #words #leeevibes #bliss #romantic

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Dear Future Husband #4

Hey hubs,

If you see me right now. You’ll probably be horrified. I’m fighting anxiety and stress when it’s blowing me crazy.

I’m terrified. And then I breathe and repeat in my head that “This too shall pass.”

Had you met me a few years back down the lane, you’d probably meet a total contrast of myself right now.

She was much more focused, happy, successful and going after a dream crazy girl. All organized and planning and being the meticulously brilliant.

She had a better impact on people she cared about .

I know things have gone downhill.

That girl , believe me , never ever failed.  She always aced.

Me now , is a victim to procrastination and self doubts. The first time I failed perhaps made a huge impact. The cycle is still on. And I can’t find a way to resurface. Everything seems to be just going haywire. I have had difficult experiences at work. Somehow they made me have far too many self doubts, especially my first work place experience, it did leave a massive scar.

Sometimes the things you need to let go,  perhaps you have let gone, aren’t the things you can ever easily forget. And so even when you blend in, it still makes you feel like your life’s missing the cream. And along with a zillion blessings, there will also be a dozen regrets.

And no matter how you try reframe your mind to function, until you find your inner peace back again, you can’t stop the inner rain . This is exactly how you drain your happiness and harness a void. And to fill it back, you crave for light and some magic beans like Jack trapped in soiled. Because that is what we crave – Hope- for a better tomorrow. A way out of a mess.

I keep having thoughts of not feeling like I have it in me. But I know I do. I can do this. If only i break out of this miserable phase.

I wish you were around so I could talk like this for real, and some how I could rely on your support mechanism to motivate me and help me get back to what I can achieve.

I hope I do it on my own though. I can’t wait for you to turn up, it might be too late to save me from my ruins then.

I’m an emotional wreck with a career block. Or do I have a career here as a writer and artist  ?

I’m still trying to figure out.

You know what hurt love ?

Is meeting the teachers who once had that pride in their eyes , that I secured a rank, a state rank at academics. But years later when I see them, they could see me struggling, and all I saw was pity.

That hurts.

Me feeling miserable is one thing, others who once were proud of your achievement looking down on you, is just another new feeling to deal with.

I want to so desperately get this phase over with.

I hope you are doing fine, unlike me.

If not I pray God help you too, because along the way I’ll need you to be my pillar.

And as I hush my fears, and breathe, asking Lord to give me courage, I want you to know , even though I’m struggling, I’m still brave.

I will fight this. Because the good thing is a reward that I’ll have, a motivating career perhaps, but the better thing is , Someday I’ll have you.

If I know something, is that, having someone to love and be loved, to share and be there, makes the tough rides feel alot better, alot more sweet and easy.

Take care love.

Come soon.

Your’s in God’s time,

Lea.

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For you who needs somebody .

​I want to inspire,

just as you inspire me.

I want to be there,

just as I wanted someone 

to be there for me.

I want to reach out in all your agony,

so my words may help you see more clarity.

Just as I faced my storms,

so shall you,

Just as I learnt to be calm,

I pray you do too.

And when you know 

you aren’t alone,

you’ll have more courage,

and that, I’ll pray may never turn into a blinding rage.

As your hope flickers,

you will revive your lost faith.

And when no reason you find,

you will look up to seek your purpose,

with a weary drooping spirit,

and no answers to life’s endless questions,

you shall learn to thrive,

without knowing the morrow,

with hazy visions, and shaky steps,

moving forward, will help you regain your zest.

And as from the fire you emerge,

all hot and blazing and reshaped,

you shall see your strength,

and why life had you so much scrapped.

It will make sense,

let time help you blend,

Don’t lose heart,

Darling it’s a start,

someday you shall understand 

everything under heaven has it’s own part.

It is all but – a mighty plan,

let it reveal to you, lead you to God’s hand,

hold it, as He will mould you,

open up, He will teach you,

Life is peaceful, when you’ll learn 

that tears and pain do not really you burn,

and the happiness you chase,

is indeed through the fire that sets you ablaze.

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Dear Future Husband #2

Love,

We still have yet to meet. And here I am, writing yet another letter to you. 

It isn’t as weird as some may call me mental, but then , at the moment I feel this is right.

I believe God is still planning out our meet up and life ahead. And since he knows me, and he knows I crave the forever thing like my parents, I am learning to be as patient as I can.

Anyway, apart from that , I am here , to tell you about this magical fantasy I have since a kid, of the big day. Not to scare you away with the second letter. 

From years from now, I see this.. its a vision, and a lil happy visualization doesn’t hurt, does it ?

I’m wearing this princess gown, white as snow, such a contrast to my caramel skin, it’s just beautiful, it makes me feel beautiful, with the many skirts floating around, floating my spirit too. A veil sparkling like snowflakes and glitter and pearls in a galaxy. 

I see all smiling faces around, so many people who I love, and who love me, Dad walking down the aisle with me, my strong man, my first love, My King. As sad as it makes any bride, I try not lingering on those thoughts, simply because I will not let go of their hand (my parents) to hold yours, because I can hold both. I have enough room in my heart to love you both and all around.

It does seem unfair that a girl has to always rearrange her life, but if this is fate, then so be it, I will still be a daughter & a sister forever and your love in time.

Ok back to my walking down the aisle topic, so as we walk closer to you, I see you stand in awe, and I can feel my heart soaring, to see that this is it, this is where we embark on our adventure, this is where our journey with God together begins. 

And as the nerves hit me, I let my feet carry me forward, and as sweaty as my palms are, as you hold my hand , when dad leads me to you, I know you are just as nervous as me. But in that moment, knowing that I am not alone, that we are together, gives me alil ease. 

And my fantasy stops here, at the entrance of a  church where we shall some day say “I do .”

Like no matter how I try to imagine forward, dream it , force to visualize, I can’t, somehow my brain stops right there and screams “abort mission”… lol. 

Ok .. may be God wants to surprise us. So I stopped trying to imagine further. And let time and God’s plan lead us to this unexpected moments of togetherness , joy and love. 

I know in my heart, that when I’ll know we belong ( I have no idea how I’ll know it, again I’ll hope God clarifies it to us in time) , I will not hold back on loving you with my all  ,even if that means, I let you hold the axe to crush my heart , I will believe and trust you won’t.

I think I am warming up to the idea of you, even when we haven’t met.

or have we ? 

You know as peaceful as it makes me praying for you and also for a wonderful Sis in law for me (for my big brother), it gives me hope, and patience to trust in God’s perfect timing, and knowing that even if I pray alone today, someday we shall pray together forever.

I am not really a patient person, but I try when I have no choice, reaping better fruits then unripe ones is always worth the wait. 

Also I refrain from kissing frogs , to reach my frog Prince, hoping you didn’t really end up as a frog , for me to change you to my Prince charming.

I do want a fairytale, but a realistic one, where love is the cure to our every lows and our victory to every highs.

I will write more often to you .

and hey, If you happen to come with a sign of “stranger danger” , please don’t expect me to be as sweet as my letter here.

Your’s in God’s time,

Lea.

I am enough.

When I was a kid, I was hopelessly stick thin, black and looked like an unwanted ugly monkey.

Well I’m sorry I’m harsh,  but that’s what I believe I felt or was made to feel.

No matter how many tonics or foods or skirts of bukram they’d dress me with, no layers could hide away what I was.

Basically ugly. Unphotogenic.

Even though I was loved, it came with a condition of me not learning to love myself.

I was always conscious. No one bothered to teach me to love and accept myself.

On the contrary it was the exact opposite, I had to layer up in bukrams to not look like a stick or pull my unruly curly hair in tight pony tails making my head ache, only so they could think I was having a civilized upbringing.

What would have it been like , to be told then,

“darling you are beautiful with your wild hair, and caramel skin. No matter what you weigh, don’t let your heart be dismayed. We love you, and you should love every part of you.Because beauty lies within.”

Would I have learnt to love myself differently?

But it didn’t happen that way.

Self loving was and is probably a selfish thought , as per them. Knowing the way I’m brought up, I should put others  before me. Being selfless is the key to live a good life.

Is it ? Being human and selfless all the time, made me realise I’m always paying the price for disappointments and expectations. When will I learn to love, respect and accept every atom in my body ?

They don’t understand that it’s a necessity for every child to learn to accept themselves before they can accept the world as it is.

If these children haven’t conquered their inner most demons, how will they withstand the trials of this journey ? But no, fitting in was more important lesson then helping them gear up for life battles through self acceptance.

Ofcourse, as I hit puberty, my body changed, I did gain weight. And guess what , now they have words like pumpkin and fat ass for me.

The name calling never changes in time. Does it ?

You are either too thin or too fat!

what’s perfect to fit in? exactly? I never felt that, I won’t ever know what it is like to be loved for being the perfect puzzle fitting everyone’s expectations?

Even though with the weight I gained, I kinda became abit photogenic, so I’m kinda cute, not beautiful, mind you, that’s something only for the perfect shaped fair beauties. Beautiful is a word I hardly came across.

Have you ever tried telling your kid how beautiful they are, how beautiful their heart is ?

That’s a beautiful way to soar their spirit, But naaah, I’m sorry you’ll are always busy teaching them to fit in the world.

Why the hell can’t you’ll realize, that not all are meant to fit in ? Why can’t you let them be ?

Sometimes you don’t have to teach your child what is right, have faith in them, and let them decide. If you taught them well, they will do good. And if they fumble, teach them, that it is okay, that they can rise, that they are loved for what they are. They don’t have to be like someone else, rather just be themselves , the true self their spirit belongs to. Stop comparing them to their siblings and friends. Each one is different. Whilst they lack what the others have, they have something that others don’t, instead of boiling and cursing on what they lack, why can’t you appreciate what they have ?

How difficult is it ? To only say a few kind words with a warm smile, assuring them, that you accept them even if the world doesn’t.

So when I faced a tough life situation, where I had to let go of what I wanted, because it was toxic and degrading me. I was raw , and bare and cut open, with so much anxiety, pain and no self love. Always wondering what went wrong ?

What did I lack ? questioning my existence. Not having faith in my purpose ? What was I doing here ? Why am I breathing ?  Am I that unwanted? Can no one learn to love me ?

How can they , when I can’t?

I learnt it the harsh way, when I thought it was too late to, I’m not yet done learning to fully love and accept my self. But I’m working on it.

Baby steps, small steps, a step forward is a way forward.

And I tell you it isn’t selfish to self love, it is a wonderful way to self accept the inner most being you are. And that acceptance fuels your confidence and builds your belief in yourself.

It is very crucial to love oneself before you can love others. Because only then you have love within, love enough to share.

Harbor and harness that inner love, let it grow, and then you shall see the change, where you can feel the beauty gush out from within you to around you. You will have a wonderful vision of life and live even more peacefully in a world, that you need not fear, need not be forced to fit in, because you don’t have to, you can stand out, and make others believe in their true authentic self. Because that is enough. You are enough.

I am enough. More than enough.

Dear Future Husband #1

Love,

I know it’s weird me calling you that when I still question fate if you exist.

I’m still hoping for you to turn up or us to cross each other’s path.

Have all those romantic dates my head weaved and plans along with my heart.

Anyways, figuring with how life is at the moment, I’m still finding myself, and somehow I think its not time for us to yet meet and create our history. So I’m being patient.

But here’s something I’d like to share, if at all I forget to do so in the future when I might be tongue tied.

Today Dad came to me, with a bowl, on which was inscribed something sweet from a wellwisher .

It was like this ” Wishing you Mr. & Mrs Rodrigues a very happy and prosperous married life. dated 30.may.1987 ”

I could see the surprise on my dad’s face to hold that bowl and smile.

I think i quite know what went in his mind.

‘It is amazing that the bowl survived all these years, and it still is as good as new, not just that bowl, knowing my mom she will have tons of things preserved and taken care of. ‘

My point here is, it’s not just the things, it is them, their love, their marriage, that has survived 7+30=37 years. It’s brilliant and I know that it will survive their eternity.

I want this. If I do get married then, it will only be for this,

 a love that can survive all the ups and downs in life, a love that becomes the very home we live in, a love that is consuming, passionate and deeply understanding, a love that is not blinded by trust but founded on strong faith , a love like this.

When we do meet, can we try to have this.

My dad’s patience and my mom’s selfless nature along with their love together survived all 37 yrs could bring to them. 

What will ours be like ? will it make our kids want to have the same, like I yearn for what my parents have, nothing less.

Your’s in God’s time,

Lea.