Category Archives: her thoughts

Attraction Distraction Obsession Destruction.

It all starts with a few stares shared. Or that head rush where you feel like you’re high and you can’t stop taking your eyes off the specimen of your interest.

From a stupid crush to the strong pulls of attraction, which often turns into fascination, and upon alil fueled flirty conversations you are likely to become obsessed to either impress or charm or seek the attention of the much wanted distraction , so you can have a twist in your stagnant boring life.

As much as crushing is a good feeling, and it is nothing evil or such, it’s just human of us to feel the pulls of the universe around, whether from a person in our vicinity or any other such object ;

but being obsessed is just another thing. Obssession comes only when you feed your crush feeling with even more strong pulls and pushes of attraction. And very often if you are not cautious , such obssession slowly takes control of the way you think, and feel, it kinda posseses you, and all you crave is that good mushy feeling all the time, the attention, the tingly beats of your heart, the head rush, the smiles that you dont keep a check on while reading a message or talking or simply checking out the object you are slowly getting obsessed with.

Mind you, unhealthy obsessions act as a trigger of self destruction . You may not realize it, but you are uneasy and unsettled and over thinking in the absence of your crush. And that often steals your peace and makes you agitated.

Remember, not all crsuhes come with a tag of love, some are just for us to live at the moment and forget. Not all attractions should be fed for you to get obsessed. And not all obsessions should you let possess you, and destroy the lil peace you have.

Unknowingly as humans we fall trap to the push and pulls of the universe, and so be conscious and know what should be fed and what should be starved. When you become too agitated in the absence of something, it is best to maintain a distance, find a good distraction and keep your mind busy, slowly the agitation will fade into nothingness given proper time.

It is the same like addiction. You are so obsessed over a thing, your brain controls your feelings and makes you believe that that particular feeling is something you need, you just need it , and you can’t do otherwise. But that’s not true. Everyone can adapt to changes and getting over an unhealthy crush or obssesion or lost love, may act as a challenge for a moment, but it isn’t something that you need, you can get over it, given time and how you starve your brain and feelings of longing or false need.

Trust me. All your brain does in this starvation phase is  make you irritated and tempts you to give in, go ahead and indulge in your crush even when you dont really get the feelings or treatment you deserve in return. It makes you want to believe that it is completely ok. That may be what you thought you deserve is overstated, and you should settle for less.

NO! DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS. NEVER EVER DO THAT TO YOURSELF.

You first treat yourself with respect, know that you deserve what you offer in total equality. Nothing less. More is an added bonus.

What attention and feelings you invest, if reciprocated in the same force you have pushed so the other pulls, then it’s quite likely that such an investment may develop into a good relationship.

But if the crises forthcoming is seen before hand, you see the symptoms of an unhealthy relationship, then stop. Get back to yourself and catch yourself before you fall into the pit you digged.

Desolation is not a nice place to live in. Being irritated and sad and having thoughts of “what’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough?” are self destroying.

You are good enough. You are enough . Accept yourself first and let no one ever make you doubt that Your totality lacks anything. You are complete and unique , not a half , not unloved. You are your own person. And your love for yourself should be on par with your respect for yourself.

Questioning what you lack is mocking your self esteem and saying you love and respect yourself but not really feeling it genuinely.
Crush blush hush.

Don’t overpull, when pushed.

No one makes you sad, if you dont let them.

Let it not stranggle your peace.

It’s not worth thinking about if it makes you self doubt.

You are worth much more then being let down.

You are enough , even when they fail to see.

You are your own, change at your will , not at the will of others.

Take it easy. Take it slow. Go with the flow.

Take care. I hope this acts as an eye opener.

Have a great day.

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Oh Crying Lanes.

​Sweet hopes, Sweet tears,

gushed down the stream of fears,

bitter smiles, happy pains,

Oh Crying lanes,

Oh Crying lanes.


It’s a winter’s game, am all insane,

I thought I had no more pain!

It was the day we somehow met,

there was no need to talk, no need to fret,

Oh Winter’s game, am trapped again.


The feel, the air, the twinkling stars,

My heart did a flip dance behind the rib bars,

fragrance of romance,

those christmassy laughs,

Oh the Winter’s game,

Oh Crying lanes,

Oh Crying lanes…


Why did the paradise collapse ?

When did all wishes become regrets ?

Oh Crying Lanes  don’t make me insane,

It’s a winter’s game, Oh what pain !


Waited for nothing,

I won’t wish again,

Why the bells chimed ?

So unfair, you weren’t there.


All memories got stained,

Oh Crying lanes,

Don’t remind me of the winter’s game,

All hurts, what pains !

I’m drained, Oh Crying lanes !




(This was written in dec 2012… when I was hung up over a stupid crush. … Oh Man! I whined so much.. It makes me laugh now, the over exaggerating me, .. Lol.. But nevertheless it was a good write up . Won’t you agree ?)

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Secure Insecure Curses.

Insecurities always kill my good vibes.

They are always too loud,

too disheartening,

always limiting my abilities.

And Sometimes I don’t want to feel the screams of the self criticism,

because I’m not in a race to fit in,

but in a journey to self love.

So honey, am I wrong if I am learning to love all my edges ?

Every darkest insecurity included.

—————–

Why is it so very difficult to get past some offensive, embarrassing or hurtful memories ?

Like “That’s not your size, it’s for the slimmer people.”  – means I shouldn’t dare touch it, it’s off limits, and taboo.

“That shade is too awful on you, you can’t wear it off .” –  means don’t you dare think you are Barbie, so you can pull off any damn color.

You know you are cute, yeah just cute, and they call me beautiful, but you are cute.” – means don’t bother, you can never be beautiful. The term beautiful includes inner beauty too, but naah, beautiful is a face that screams attention.

“You are a bookworm, nothing good will happen of you .” – Like seriously if I find books more interesting and friendly then overly dominating and hypocritical behavior, and I choose them over you, I don’t damn need your horrid curses.

You are always with your studies and your work, you don’t even know what a social life is .” – I’m sorry, if by social life you meant be a gossip queen like you, and spend like I own a freaking bank , when it’s not really the money I earned? I’m so sorry, I want to build a career and earn and not look like a gold digger as you. Because quite honestly, I will always prefer the person I am over you a million times.

You are beyond repair. Unless you hit the gym you’ll never get in shape.” – I didn’t realize you were attracted to amoeba me. Because your words depict a shapeless me. Like seriously If I’m amoeba, I have the super power to change shapes and alter my personality. No. one change, is cutting loose from heartless people like you.

You are getting older. Try looking for good guys that are hard to get. My daughter is lucky she found love. But if you don’t hurry, you might remain a spinster for life.” – Like fucking seriously, get real. Just because your daughter found love, does not mean everybody else is loveless. There’s a time for everything. And even if I stay a spinster for life, why is it bothering you so damn much . I lost repect for you, when you had such shallow thoughts for me.

.
Every time I have met my critiques, they have given me some serious verbal wounds that had a lasting impact on me. They engraved insecurity in me.

Insecurities that are so freaking loud, that everytime my blouse was alil short above my hips, I’d be as conscious as a rat smelling cheese, or everytime I see a couple in love, I would end up wondering if what she said might come true ?

and when I see me struggling with my career I wonder if really there’s nothing good gonna happen of me .

………………..


People your words leave your mouth in seconds.

But they leave behind wounds that can never be healed in time. These wounds are the insecurities you engraved in a child 

-that craved to be told she is beautiful when the world made her feel ugly,

-that wanted to believe in love when it was too tough but you told her love might never be for her ,

-that wanted to love herself, and help others too, but you kept shaming her body, her thoughts, her love.

What cruel trap do you weave which you forget and never once rethink about, but your words have a child victimized for life to deal with a tortuous battle of “I am not enough.”



Why ! Thank you.

I appreciate your role in my life.

I’m glad I now know to not get my (future) kids anywhere near the likes of you.

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Mystery

She belonged to the era,

where tiny Pluto was the 9th planet,

and solar system was an enchanting mystery,

where milky way in a crazy galaxy,

was like a bed of sparkles and white roses,

and now as reality sinks in,

and pluto is called a dwarf planet,

her galaxies have even more darkness ,

faint sparkles with anxiety & roughness ,

the mysteries now lie in her history,

and just as pluto is a question in the planetorial seas,

her life is filled with less sweet dreams,

and more of harsh realities.

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An act of APPRECIATION.

A simple act of appreciation means that you value, regard highly, praise, admire , respect , treasure something/someone enough to make it heard/visible in words or actions.

It shows that you have a spirit of humility and compassion, and you know when to appreciate and what to.

Anything or anyone worthy of praise , should be appreciated, let not your tongue cut off what they rightfully deserve.

Appreciation is never a fake act. What might we refer as fake appreciation is over blown flattery.

​I have often come across people who lack the ability to appreciate others.

Appreciating others does not make you less important, it makes an impression that you aren’t bitter.

Is it so difficult to say two words of kindness to make someone know how you value what they do, their acts, their works, their words, can be anything .

How many times do we admire nature and are filled with wonder?

Do we ever look up and tell God , that HE is indeed an Amazing Creator ?

That His plan for us is so beautiful?

That His love for us is so deeply satisfying?

How often do we appreciate our mother’s food ? her arduous work keeping our home together? her love for always prioritizing us – her children?

How often do we appreciate our Dad for his dedication towards us ?

How often do we appreciate our siblings’ best qualities without spite ?

How often do we look at our best friend, and thank them, for their presence?

How often do we appreciate a work of art, creativity, words or any other work done ?

It is put together by someone, someone took efforts, it did help you in some way, or may be of no benefit to you , yet you took a moment to admire, does it hurt to put your admiration into words ?

If you are super beautiful or talented and filled with so much pride, you often can’t stand when others – the one’s you tag as simpletons outstanding you.

Why the bitterness? If they can appreciate your beauty, the least you could do is return the favor with kind truthful words of appreciation.

Being honest with your praise does not hurt your soul but perhaps your ego.

Appreciating or praising often is the way to water the garden of goodness in you. You can see for yourself when you learn to be more appreciative of life and people, the small difference it makes has a butterfly effect.

Small ripples make great changes.

There is power in Praise. We know that. The more we praise God , the more we see our life change for better. Do not restrict yourself to God alone. Praise God, and His creations, that also includes your-own-self . See the ripple effect of kind words and actions to God, people around and you.

Remember, if they who appreciate turn to be as bitter as your non appreciative tongue, there will remain no one someday, to appreciate what was once your ace but now the reason for your spite.

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For you who needs somebody .

​I want to inspire,

just as you inspire me.

I want to be there,

just as I wanted someone 

to be there for me.

I want to reach out in all your agony,

so my words may help you see more clarity.

Just as I faced my storms,

so shall you,

Just as I learnt to be calm,

I pray you do too.

And when you know 

you aren’t alone,

you’ll have more courage,

and that, I’ll pray may never turn into a blinding rage.

As your hope flickers,

you will revive your lost faith.

And when no reason you find,

you will look up to seek your purpose,

with a weary drooping spirit,

and no answers to life’s endless questions,

you shall learn to thrive,

without knowing the morrow,

with hazy visions, and shaky steps,

moving forward, will help you regain your zest.

And as from the fire you emerge,

all hot and blazing and reshaped,

you shall see your strength,

and why life had you so much scrapped.

It will make sense,

let time help you blend,

Don’t lose heart,

Darling it’s a start,

someday you shall understand 

everything under heaven has it’s own part.

It is all but – a mighty plan,

let it reveal to you, lead you to God’s hand,

hold it, as He will mould you,

open up, He will teach you,

Life is peaceful, when you’ll learn 

that tears and pain do not really you burn,

and the happiness you chase,

is indeed through the fire that sets you ablaze.

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Zamplification !!!

to Zamplify

means : to have the zest to amplify your being.

and Zamplification is simply the zesty or enthusiastic process to amplify your entire being.

Yayyy! I have my own word now.

What does Zamplification refer to ?

We all know about the laws of attraction of the universe.

Where books say “You are the product of your thoughts.”

Bible says “Ask and you shall receive, seek & you shall find, knock & the door shall be open. ”

This is basically what you think is what you become, I do have a separate write up on it written back in 2014 – WITIWIB ( https://leannerod8.wordpress.com/2014/12/06/witiwib/  ).

So coming back to my topic of zamplification,

it is to amplify your entire being,

have you ever noticed that if you are sad, dull, negative, your life is a drag of pessimism  ?

And if you are happy, fun loving, optimistic, it’s like you are the magnet for happiness, people often tag you as a “Happy go lucky, jolly good fellow.”

So this is exactly what Zamplification is about.

To Zamplify, one must simply :

-be good to oneself

-think good about oneself

-self love, self respect, self belief, self reliance should be prioritised .

-if you are a victim of pessimism then start practicing optimism, by saying aloud positive affirmations daily , like I am happy, i am enough, I can do this, I am able, I am unique, I am a masterpiece, etc.

-What you feed your being is what you amplify, what you shall reap in the morrow depends on what you feed.

Whether food or thoughts, let it be good, healthy, and refreshing.

-Refrain from going back to the bad spots of your earlier self.

– Good is achievable, success is achievable, if you believe.


And I do believe zamplifying myself will lead me into the best definition of living life well.
Zamplification  for me is a new art of living to amplify my being by producing and harboring good positive thoughts, converting my negative energy into goal oriented plans and using the unconvertible to fuel me to become a better being.

It is a step for change.

I want to Zamplify into my best self , at every phase in my life.

(I will write more on this … an indepth study. )

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