How’s it going ?
Definitely not like I imagined.
I had this vision. Study a professional course, have some years of experience and someday have my own office, my own cabin. Be the boss of my life. Earn and enjoy life, never once forgetting to thank God.
But that vision is lost in time. Now , I’m not sure what I once wanted is what I need at this hour.
I never once imagined me having a blog, being a writer, making pic quotes, writing a book, inspiring a few , connecting emotionally with many, and fighting the odds of racism, mental work harassments, and body shaming.
I never imagined that I would see the truth about the thing I very much once wanted, that it did not have the sparkle I had falsely seen in it. I’m not entirely sure where my happiness lies, at this moment. Maybe it’s this phase of confusion, I need some much needed “Me time” to decide the route out of my crises.
There are tons of things we never imagined or thought of. Yet they happen to us. Tons of lessons we hoped we never would ever face, yet we become the victims, tons of cautions we undertake, yet the damage is done. Things that we can’t really control, things that throw us off our pendulum. So at unease, leaving us at a terrifying phase.
And then, we sit to wonder , what did go wrong ? what were the mistakes?
Take enough me time. To delve more deeply into your own self, trying to understand what your life is , trying to understand the situations you face, if you can go through it, or if you have a way out, if you wish to take that way out ? or not? But in the first place if you want to go through it. A choice.
A choice is what most often changes every chapter of our life. And sometimes these very choices end up with “what ifs ?” and “whys?” .
Could be a toxic relationship we chose to be in, or decided to break free of, that’s a chapter of love and break up. Pretty messy.
What if you had chosen to never give it a chance in the first place ?
There would be no messy chapter, no rough life lessons to learn about letting go and building yourself.
The immence growth that we see in us , after every changing sphere of our lives, is the maturity we are gifted, with the very life lessons that come from hurt, grief, missery, anxiety and broken trust, the very lessons we hope to never face. Yet we must .
Have courage, to encounter such challenges that crush you time and again, no matter how excruciating the pain or the phase of hopelessness is.
Because these are the very dawns to our days of victory. Victory over being our true brave mature self.
Fun and frolic is a very essential segment of our life, let not the burden of growth through painful encounters and crises, make you give up on finding growth through laughter.
Because as much as pain and crises tear us apart so we learn how to rebuild our selves from our ashes, so does laughter and happiness heal all our empty spaces.
We need a balance of both , happiness to air float and heal and feel gratuitous, and sadness to keep us grounded and hopeful, and understand the depths of life.
Life is in those million mini seconds, where your heart squeezes with happiness at a baby laughing, where your eyes shed tears when you are mourning, where you can smile despite a chaotic phase, where you have and acknowledge the many things and people that add something of them to every of your days and nights.
Life is in these zillion pieces, where you breathe, through the highs and lows, and often forget to realise what a gift indeed it is to breathe, and stay alive.
Praise the Lord. Praise you Jesus.
Thank you lord, for saving and protecting my loved ones. Thank you for the gift of our lives.