every inch of my skin and the layers beneath,
I’ve despised me more, than the words you hit me with,
because before you, me I have betrayed, longing for hollow bliss,
I’ve despised the child I was, the person I was growing to be,
I’ve despised my edges, those glaring curves, everyone’s mocking sympathy,
I’ve cried and succumbed to these hissing insecurities,
All my life I’ve despised the only one who could have accepted me for me, that’s me.
I blame you not, but how can me I blame either ?
I’ve despised you but me I’ve slaughtered like no other .
I’ve been conscious of what you’ll say even before you voice it,
for you’ve never cared about how I’d feel, you preferred venom to spit.
There was a time when I would run away from photographers and my pics…
Because then I believed I was too damn ugly to even look at.
Even the world made me believe that.
All I could see was a girl with caramel skin, she wasn’t fair , she wasn’t stick thin. She was way too flawed to look at. Even the mirror would be her enemy. Wonder why Snow White was the benchmark for the colour of skin to be called the most beautiful ?
But now things have changed. So have I.
I dont believe in being ugly.
I believe in changing into the person I can confidently say is myself.
Now it’s not the world that can define me.
Because now I am not ashamed of who I am.
I am the definition I wanted to be.
It was not the standards of beauty the world sets that I had to fight.
It was my battle within, that I had to conquer.
They say ” you are what you want to be. The product of your thoughts.”
And I believe it is very much right.
When I am me , the me I believe in, the me that is confident, that is not ashamed, that has accepted the self I am,
that is the me the world will see and accept. Because this time, there’s no question for doubt or choice I give the world to choose from.
Simple enough. Isn’t it ?
Accept me as I am. Or watch me as I go.
In the end your first choice should always be :
- Self acceptance
- Self respect
- Self love.